Dreams and Nightmares
by Katiesmom07
Summary: An inside look of Grissom's mind during and after 'Butterflied'. One of my favorite episodes.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I went to that auction they held, but the price was about six digits over my limit…so they're not mine. Maybe next year… ;-P

Spoilers: As you will figure out, the first few chapters are all set during 'Butterflied'. It's all through Grissom's mind. After that you'll find out how it affects him. Thanks to everyone for joining me and, please, R&R.

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1

Darkness surrounded him as he crept down the hallway, never wavering from the cold, dark wall at his back. With every step he felt the tension move farther and farther up his spine. The small circle of illumination created by his flashlight revealed candles everywhere and flowers, wine and glasses on a table in the living room. Each sweep of light increased his disturbed thoughts. The house was immaculately clean: almost hospital-like.

Still hugging the wall, he moved into the bedroom passing yet more candles by the door. Moving his light to the perfectly made bed, he found lingerie in a crumpled pile. The victim was surely prepared for a romantic evening. He had a feeling the night had not turned out as planned. Moving through the bedroom, he entered his destination, the only room flooded with light. The bathroom, like the rest of the house was white and very clean. The difference, though, was the crimson covering the shower and the victim on the floor.

He took in every detail of the woman, starting with her bare feet. Blue jeans that, when he got to her waist, he realized were low-rise, a red satin and lace thong and a light pink spaghetti-strap tank top made up her attire. The purposeful positioning of the body exposed the butterfly tattoo on her lower back. It wasn't until he stepped closer and looked at the young woman's face that his heart jumped into his throat.

As he knelt down, for the first time in a long time, he felt the immediate urge to throw up. He tilted his head and just stared at the woman's face. As his wave of nausea was replaced with fear and the threat of tears in his eyes, he tried to calm himself. She was outside. This was not her lying on this floor. She had no tattoo on her back and this was not her home. He could feel his blood pressure rising. He looked closer and though his eyes played tricks on him, his investigative skills won out. This was not Sara. But to an untrained eye or even a trained eye at a quick glance, it could be her on that bathroom floor. This woman was most assuredly Sara's twin.

For a few more minutes, he just stared. What if it had been her? What if the crime scene he was called to was to investigate _her_ death? With the threat of tears still lingering, his fear turned to confusion. What if he was wrong? What if he was so tired that his eyes couldn't see that this really was Sara? Standing abruptly, his body was drawn to the front door. He had to see her.

Relief took over when he stepped outside. There she was. When her eyes met his he tried to silently plead with her. He needed her to understand, but knew he'd never be able to explain. But just looking into her eyes calmed him. His pulse slowed and his tension eased, but the need to protect her still overwhelmed him. The only way he knew how to do that was to solve this case, so he broke his gaze and turned to Brass, "For now, no one enters this house except CSI," then 'excluding Sara' he added to himself. Brass walked away and he turned back to his team. "Warrick, you got the car."

"Which one?"

"Both."

Brass interjected, "Uh, take the Honda. The VW belongs to the victim's friend over there." Pointing to a woman wrapped in a blanket sitting on a gurney by the ambulance, "She called it in."

"That's too bad," Warrick responded, "This'll be a day she won't forget." With a nod he turned away to get to work.

Grissom moved to Sara with knots in his stomach. He had to give her an assignment, but every instinct just wanted to send her home. He didn't want her here. He wanted her home, safe, away from…from what he didn't know. But he knew that he wanted her away. Knowing that he could only push her so far, though, he gave her an assignment, knowing she'd protest, "Sara, you take the perimeter."

Just as he expected, "What? You just did a one-hour walk-through. The perimeter can _not_ be a priority."

"I need you to work the outside. Catherine and I'll be inside." Seeing the hurt and disappointment in her eyes almost broke him in two, but he knew he had to hold her at a distance or he'd never make it through this case. He reassured himself by thinking that she'd be better off never seeing the body anyway.

When his eyes moved to Catherine, she returned an all-knowing but still confused look and said, "I'll go talk to the friend."

Back in his mode, "Find out where she walked and what she might have touched in there." She nodded and he watched her walk away before turning back into what he thought would turn out to be his worst nightmare.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: They're not mine! Want to sue me? Can't get blood from a turnip!

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2

His mind whirred and his heart still beat in his throat as he crouched again in front of the victim. He just stared, stunned at the resemblance. He had calmed while he was outside with Sara, but now his heart raced again faster than it had before. No matter how many times he told himself that this woman was not Sara, he couldn't suppress the need he felt to solve this case. No, it wasn't her lying there, but if he didn't figure this out soon he might lose his mind before he got the chance to tell her how glad he was that it wasn't.

He was lost in thought when Catherine walked into the bathroom. He never saw the swoosh of light from her flashlight over the woman's face and wondered if she saw him jump when she spoke, "One thing I can never get over with this job. Anything can happen to anybody."

"That's why we're here." Silently, he thought about the truth in her statement, wishing that he couldn't. That was what scared him the most. That could be Sara lying there. She went home every night to an empty apartment. At any time someone could break in and she could be killed. He wanted to believe that she was strong and could overcome her attacker, but he knew that wasn't necessarily the truth.

Again, Catherine interrupted his thoughts, "Bet this bathroom is the reason she bought this place."

Finally, he tore his gaze away from the woman on the floor, knowing that he needed to continue working. He had to get this whole thing behind him; if not, it might be the end of him. Letting his skills take over, "What am I smelling?"

"Cleanser. Bleach, maybe." Catherine turned her attention to what she did best, analyzing the blood spatter. Flashing her light over the glass partition to the shower, she spoke her mental notes out loud, "Arterial spray is neck-high. Indicates she was standing when she was attacked." As she spoke, the scene flashed before his eyes, "And the highest gush of blood has the most volume."

From the floor he observed, "Definite lack of lividity. She must have bled out."

"The killer had to get something on him. Had to be a bloody mess. There's no footprints, there's no handprints, no smears."

He stood, "She looks like she was placed in this position."

"What's the message?"

"You can chase a butterfly all over the field and never catch it. But if you sit quietly in the grass it will come and sit on your shoulder."

In silence, they both went to work, hoping not a butterfly but a key piece of evidence would come to them. But after finding both blood and bleach in all four drains in the bathroom, they only found more questions.

After spraying almost the entire bathroom with luminol, he realized his earlier assumption had been correct. This guy was smart, "He cleaned everywhere but inside the shower."

"We're never gonna know where the blood ends and the bleach begins."

And they were faced with yet another question, "Where's all this blood comin' from?" Catherine shrugged and left the bathroom.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. The pending migraine threatened to disable him, but he pushed the thought away. Walking to his kit, he extracted a small bottle of water and a travel pack of Advil. After emptying the contents of the bottle, he went on the hunt for Catherine. Her voice carried very faintly down the hallway, "No cleansers, no rags, no sponges, no paper towels."

He walked into the kitchen as Warrick responded, "You'd think that she'd restocked when she went shopping."

Catherine continued as he walked to the trashcan, "Well I'm thinking the killer used everything the victim had."

Looking in the trashcan, "And then disposed of it."

The three of them walked out the back door without another word. After removing their crime scene booties, they walked into the alley behind the house. Catherine was the one to open up the victim's trash receptacle, "Nothing."

In turn they all looked into other trashcans and found nothing until he spotted a swarm of flies gathered around a particular can. Warrick and Catherine gathered around him as he opened the can and swatted the flies away. When he pulled out the Ziploc bag filled with blood and body parts, Catherine snapped a few pictures.

A few hours later they were all lined along the alley each in front of their own trashcan pulling out bags of evidence.

Warrick spoke first, "I think I found the victim's internal organs." Then, almost to himself, "This guy meant business."

After picking up her own bag, Catherine added, "I think I can confirm that the victim's male."

He picked up a vacuum cleaner bag, "It seems he vacuumed to remove any trace from the house."

Catherine continued, "Then he picks up the evidence and spreads it all over the dump."

"We have the victim's clothes, very neatly folded." Then Warrick stated what the other two were thinking, "You know, if this is our boyfriend then…Brass is lookin' for a ghost."


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Still want to sue me? I tell ya, I got nothin'!

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3

He was alone again in the house, lost in his thoughts. Above the silence that engulfed him, he could hear his heartbeat. It echoed in his ears as his blood pressure rose and fell. As he leaned against her dresser and held the small blue butterfly in his hand, he tried to know her. Why butterflies? Was it the beauty or the magic? Setting it down, with gloved hands he picked up the framed photo sitting beside it. He shook his head as he drifted further into the hell of his mind. Every thought he had was assaulted with visions of Sara. Did no one else see it? Catherine was in the bathroom and had said nothing. Certainly she saw it. Or was he slipping?

He felt more like he was sinking. Sinking into an agony that he could not bring himself to explain. His heart wrenched again as the picture of Debbie in his mind was replaced once more by that of Sara. He was falling even deeper into torturous depths when his cell phone rang and brought him closer to reality. Without looking at the caller ID he managed, "Grissom."

But he only fell further down into his nightmare when the voice on the other end of the phone was Sara's, "Hey."

Thinking of the quickest lie he could, he fumbled, "Sara…uh, listen I'm in a bad area…I'll call you back." He couldn't talk to her now. He wasn't ready to hear her voice.

But she was not convinced; "I got a skin tag off the bathtub drainpipe."

"Skin tag…that's great. Uh, give it to Greg." He had to hang up the phone.

Still oblivious, "Yeah, I did. Hey, do you want me to come over there and give you a hand."

"No…I, I, I'm fine. I'll, uh, I'll talk to you back at the lab." On the verge of tears, he abruptly ended the call. He stared in the mirror, trying to regain control, but a single tear ran down his cheek. He quickly wiped it away and tried to tell himself it was from stress, but deep down he knew it wasn't.

He had to solve this case, and fast. Not only was he losing his mind, but he was also losing his sense of self. No one had ever taken that away from him before. What was it about her that he couldn't push away? He'd denied every romantic attempt she'd made towards him. He'd pushed her away when it hurt him the most. He'd hurt her. Why was it so hard then to push her from his thoughts now?

He admitted to himself that he knew the answer. This could be her. It was the thought that had entered into his head a billion times since he'd seen the victim lying on the floor. If it had been her, there would be no going back. He'd have no chance to tell her how sorry he was for hurting her. No chance to tell her he regretted choices he'd made. No chance to tell her that he needed her in his life. It was that chance that made his decisions okay. Without that chance, his choices would turn to mistakes; mistakes he could never make up for.

But this wasn't her. He still had the chance. With new determination, he went back to work. This whole thing had to be put behind him, or he'd never bring himself to take the chance.

Hours of working silently went by with no sign of useful evidence. He'd managed to stay focused on his goal, but needed help. With a quick phone call, he got Catherine to gather the team and he joined via speakerphone as they talked out the case.

Catherine started, "Two days ago Debbie Marlin is off work. Sometime in the morning she buys groceries"

Warrick added, "Pendales, closest store on West Charleston."

Sara got her two cents in, "Brass talked to the box boy, remembered her. Saw her just before his lunch break at 11:15."

"Pendales is about 20 minutes from her house," Catherine threw in, then, "Where's Nick?"

Sara answered, "American Academy of Forensic Science Convention."

Then from the speaker in the middle of the table, "Hey Guys, can we continue, please? She comes home from the grocery store. She parks in the driveway and she begins to unload."

As Warrick continued he walked thru the house to picture every move, "She takes out her perishables first. She has to go back for a second trip so she probably leaves the front door open."

Blocking out the voices, he only listened to the story unfold. "Explains why there's no forced entry"

"Getting ready for a date, lighting candles, multi-tasking."

"She opens up a bottle of wine, two glasses."

"Her girlfriend said that she was locking down for the afternoon with Michael Clark."

"Nosy neighbor puts the Mercedes in the driveway sometime around noon."

He came back to reality as Greg began to speak, "Thought you guys would want to know the hair Sara found is a match to the bags of human tissue. Prints confirm it per Jaqui, it's Michael Clark.

Catherine sounded frustrated, "So, uh, most of our efforts have been towards identifying another victim.

From the speaker again, "Michael Clark. But can we place him dead at the house? Greg what else can you tell us about that hair?"

"You mean hairs? There were two. Ancillary, maybe arm or leg hair."

Sara interjected, "Found it in the tub drain."

"The epitwar of choice for dismemberments," he thought out loud as he headed into the bathroom.

Then Greg added another piece to the puzzle, "According to Jacqui there were no prints found on the scalpel blade or handle but the blood's a match to both victims."

Catherine stated the obvious, "So Michael Clark was dead in the tub, we just don't know how he got there."

From him, "Well I KM'd the carpet at the threshold of the bathroom. It's negative for blood."

He flinched at the sound of Sara's voice, "So, all the violence took place in the bathroom; at least anything that had to do with blood."

He was relieved when Catherine interrupted, "Well the bathroom is big, but it's not big enough to kill two at the same time."

Taking a deep breath, he talked it out, seeing the scene unfold in his mind, "She lights the candles in the shower. Her back is to the door. He grabs her from behind and slits her throat. Then he positions her body so that her face is the first thing the boyfriend sees when he walks in." He stopped; shocked that he pictured himself as the killer. Surely he wasn't capable of…no. He had hurt Sara, but…no.

"So he takes seconds to kill Debbie," Catherine said, then asked, "Why does he spend so much time cutting up Michael Clark?"

As the fog cleared in his mind, he began to understand. The killer had not come there for Debbie Marlin. He'd come to punish Michael Clark for taking her away. The killer wanted to show him what it was like to have the one you love taken away from you. Knowingly, he answered, "Most likely because Michael Clark was the real focus of his rage." They were finally getting somewhere.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Still got nothin'.

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4

After what seemed like hours on his knees searching the carpet for any hint of blood, Catherine found him at the end of the hall, "Don't tell me you never went home."

"Okay," he wouldn't tell her, but he wouldn't lie and say he had either. "I just got started in here. I haven't even gotten to the other rooms yet."

Almost scolding him like a child, "You know you lose your edge after 16 hours. You're into your third shift. I mean I'm all for overtime, but this is just plain greedy."

Agreeing with her, "My knees can't take this anymore."

"Have you eaten anything?"

Perking up, "What'd you bring?"

"Let's see what's in the fridge."

As she walked away, he yelled after her, "We have to replace that, ya know." Knowing that she didn't care in the least he stood on aching knees and followed her to the kitchen.

Once he was seated at the patio table and had some food in his stomach, he silently thanked Catherine for, once again, coming to his rescue. Despite their differences, she was probably his best female friend. He always knew that he could count on her to come through for him.

Like so many times before, she interrupted his thoughts, "Feel better?" He gave her a knowing look and she continued, "Well, now that we've fed you, we should probably talk about a shower. I mean at your place. You need to go home."

His brain told him she was right, but his heart was forcing him to stay, "Soon as we find some evidence, I promise."

"With fresh eyes you won't miss it."

"Just talk it through with me, will you? What do we know?"

Knowing she wasn't going to win this one, she gave in. "All right. The bathroom is where things got started. Candles, oils, steam shower." She continued while he licked peanut butter off his fingers that he was scraping from, the jar. "Cleaned up, oiled up, sexed up."

"Let's go back to the bedroom."

Together they tossed back one sheet at a time. When they found nothing, he stated the obvious, "Well, nothing on this sheet."

"She changed her sheets for her date. I would."

Then after the last sheet was removed he spied a red scarf tied to the side of the mattress. Pulling it out from between it and the box spring, "Hey, Cath, got silk?"

Mimicking his movement, "Why, yes I do." After tossing the sheets out of the way she motioned to the footboard, "I don't mean to embarrass you, but, um, some guys need leverage."

"They do?"

"I'll dust for prints."

Thankfully, his phone rang and he pushed that thought from his mind. "Grissom."

"It's Warrick. I have something for you. I found a butterfly link with some white fibers on it."

"Butterfly? Where?"

"In the vacuum bag. You check all the rooms?"

"Let me look, again."

"All right."

He wandered into the only room with a white carpet and walked to the butterfly display Debbie Marlin had. After opening the jewelry box he found a collection of butterfly bracelets.

Catherine joined him with her newly gathered evidence, "Toe print. I'll have Sara compare it against both victims."

"Good. Warrick found a butterfly charm in the vacuum bag. I think I found a piece from the same chain in this box."

"Butterfly, huh?"

Scanning his flashlight over the shelves, "She had a collection."

"Gifts from her gentleman callers?"

"Maybe the killer was taking his gift back, as in leave no trace. Maybe he finally ran out of patience and got sloppy." Still running his flashlight over the collection, his eyes moved to the bottom shelf where he spotted a hair that he picked up with tweezers. Smugly he said, "And this is why I didn't leave."


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Wait! Maybe…I think…nope…still nothin'.

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5

Back at the lab, without even a detour to his townhouse, he met with Greg in DNA. With a weary soul and his patience wearing thin, he simply wanted answers. Greg tried to regale him with a story about his Papa Oloff, but he quickly cut him short and Greg finally gave him a key piece of evidence. Their killer used Rogaine and took Propecia.

When he walked out of the lab, feeling his bones and muscles ache with every step, he was met by Catherine, "Ah, the Prodigal CSI returns. Get any sleep?"

"Not yet." Even he could see the huge bags under his eyes.

"So, uh, Brass had to let Dr. Tripton go, the old sex alibi. Too bad he didn't leave a toe print on a scalpel blade."

"You got a take on him?"

"Balloon-head, but credible. Like most adulterers."

"Is he going bald?"

"Not really."

"Gray hair?"

"No."

"Anything else?"

"He's a lefty?"

With that, he headed to Doc Robbins feeling like he was headed nowhere.

The dismembered body of Michael Clark was spread out on the table in the morgue and Doc Robbins explained, "Keep in mind this is just a theory. It's a hot-button issue between forensic pathologists."

"What's the consensus?"

"Well, Doctors say it's impossible to prove handedness based on the wounds inflicted on the victim."

"Forget hard science. What's your hypothesis?"

"Based on micro-incisions and hesitation marks, the victim was lying face-up when he was killed. Take a look at the right knee. The cut on the cartilage of the right distal femur has slight angulations from the, uh, left distal to the right proximal which suggests the killer was left-handed. This angulation is consistent with cuts made to the assitabulam and to the wrist. But bear in mind it's not gonna be admissible in court."

"I don't care about court. My mind's on a left-handed, Propecia using surgeon who's probably on staff at Desert Palm."

After sending Greg to the hospital to find their guy, he was finally sitting in the interrogation room with the man he was sure killed Debbie Marlin and Michael Clark. The only problem was he knew he couldn't prove it. But his body and mind had given out to exhaustion long ago. So, for the first time in a very long time, he laid out all his cards on the table in front of a killer he knew would walk away Scott-free.

So there the Doctor sat, very smug, "There was no need for the light show. All you had to do was ask."

Brass handled the questioning, "Good. Since we're being completely honest, are you losing your hair?"

"I'm a 48 year-old man. I'm not unique."

With the evidence in hand, he said, "Your hair is, though. We found it at the crime scene. Minoxidil absorbs infrared light."

"I take Rogaine and Propecia. Again, not unique."

Brass didn't waste any time, "Well, we think that Debbie Marlin and Michael Clark were killed by a surgeon who's left-handed. And we know of two left-handed surgeons at Desert Palm, Dr. Tripton, who has an alibi, and you."

"Well, if you're gonna make accusations you should really do your homework. Howard and I are the only lefties on staff. Dr. Randolph, who has privileges at the hospital, he's also a lefty. We play tennis every Wednesday. He's got a heck of a backhand. If you want me to name more names I could, but, you don't want me to do your job for you."

It was his lawyer that intercepted then, "Gentlemen, we're here as a courtesy, so if you're quite through wasting our time, I think that the Doctor would like to get back to the business of saving lives…"

Brass interrupted, "Not so fast. Is this a link from the bracelet you gave Debbie?"

He put on his glasses and inspected the butterfly inside the plastic evidence bag. "Well, it looks like it. Where's the rest of it?"

Brass continued, "This link was vacuumed from the floor of the spare bedroom after the murder. The other link was in the jewelry box. The funny thing is that all the bracelets from the other guys she slept with are in tact."

"Well, all I can tell you is that, when I gave it to her, it was in one piece."

After his client whispered something in his ear, the lawyer asked, "Do you have any other evidence?"

With a weary voice, he answered, "No, we don't."

Brass egged him on, "We might not have any other evidence, but we have a theory."

His lawyer tried to end it once again, "That's not admissible in court."

"No, no, no, it's worth a listen."

Brass got right in his face, "We think you killed Debbie Marlin because she rejected you and Michael Clark paid the price." The Doctor just shook his head.

His lawyer, wrapping it up for good this time, "Thank you for your time and your theories. But you said it yourself; you don't have a case. Doctor?"

They both rose to leave, be he couldn't just let him walk away. He had to let him know just how much he wasn't hiding, "It's sad isn't it Doc, guys like us? Couple of middle-aged men who allowed their work to consume their lives. The only time we ever touch other people is when we're wearing our latex gloves. We wake up one day and realize that, for 50 years, we haven't really lived at all. Then, all the sudden, we get a second chance. Somebody young and beautiful shows up, somebody…we could care about. She offers us a new life, with her. But we have a big decision to make, right? Because we have to risk everything we've worked for in order to have her. I couldn't do it. But you did. You risked it all. And she showed you a wonderful life, didn't she? But then she took it away and gave it to somebody else, and you were lost. So you took her life. You killed them both and now you have nothing."

"I'm still here."

"Are you?"


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Are you even still reading these? Fine…nothin'.

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6

Purely exhausted, he hung his head as the doctor and his lawyer walked out. No justice was served, but, to him, the case was solved. It was over, and he'd just poured his heart out to a murderer. A murderer. How could he share his deepest feelings with a murderer and not with the woman he truly cared about? He realized that it hadn't been about who he was talking to, but about admitting his feelings to himself. All of the feeling's he'd been hiding all these years, even from himself, weren't hidden anymore. Becoming more tired with every second, his head slowly sank to his folded arms on the table.

"So, you wanna get a beer?"

Startled, he jumped at Jim's words, and then cringed as he realized his speech had been made in front of him also. Knowing that the invitation was more like an order, he made it easier on himself, "My place?"

"Sure, Gil. I'll drive."

"I'll meet you outside. I've gotta get something from my office and tell Cath I'm leaving. Fifteen minutes?"

"Okay." Jim watched as his friend stood on very weak legs and walked out of the interrogation room with his head hung. He gathered his papers and walked out just as Sara walked out of the viewing room. 'This was not good,' he thought to himself, 'but maybe she'd only just gone in.' Out loud, "Hey, Sara. How's it going?" When she raised her head to reveal swollen, red eyes he knew she'd heard the whole thing. "You okay?"

She spat out, "Fine."

He raised his hands in submission, "Hey! Don't shoot the messenger."

"Sorry."

He reached a hand out to her arm. He didn't know how much she knew or didn't know and didn't want to overstep, "Did you know?"

With a harsh tone, "Know what?" After a raised-eyebrow look she continued with a softer voice, "That for 50 years he feels like he hasn't lived at all? No, I guess I just assumed…well…he was happy. The young and beautiful part? You know, he's never really stressed the whole age thing, and that kind of surprises me. But the beautiful part, yeah, I knew that. It was a long time ago on a case we were working. You remember that hockey rink case?" After a nod she continued, "We were sitting in the seats looking at the rink and we were talking about him liking baseball. He said that it was a beautiful sport and then I asked him when he'd become interested in beauty. He said it was when he met me. Funny, but to this day, it's the best compliment anyone's ever given me. It was so sincere and obviously not planned out. It was simple, raw emotion. You know, at that point I really thought we'd make a go of this. But now, after hearing him in there…it's just so hard to hear that I wasn't worth the risk." She'd ended with a choke in her voice and more tears running down her cheeks.

"I don't think that's what he meant, Sara. He's scared. Let me talk to him."

The anger returned, "I don't need you to convince him that I'm worth it, Jim. If he doesn't think I am then I'm not. Just leave it alone." With that, she jerked her arm from under his grasp and broke into a run down the hall, wiping her tears from her face.

He knew there was no sense in going after her; she was done talking to him. She was hurt; there was no denying that. But he felt like she'd gotten it all wrong. What _he _heard was that she was worth it but Gil was just too scared to make the decision and now he regretted it. The only way to find out who was right was to get it from the horse's mouth.

Once inside Gil's apartment, Jim made himself comfortable on the sofa while Gil poured drinks. Jim only spoke after they were both seated and had taken a couple sips of their bourbon, "So, rough case?"

Staring off into space, as if he wasn't even listening, "You have no idea."

He wanted to give him time to explain in his own way, "You usually don't let cases get to you. Why was this one so different?"

"Did you see her, Jim?"

"Who? Debbie Marlin? No."

"She was Sara's twin."

"Doppelganger?"

"Yeah. It was uncanny." After a few moments of contemplation, "I just couldn't let go. I don't know what came over me." He rubbed his eyes before he continued, "The whole case, all I could see was Sara's face. I just couldn't push her image from my head. I knew the only way I'd get it to stop would be to solve the case."

"So?"

"So…what?"

"Is the image gone?"

"No."

"So I guess your plan didn't work then."

"I'm just tired, Jim. I haven't slept in well-over two days."

"That what made you give that speech back there? Being tired, I mean." After not getting a response, he pushed on, "'Cause it sounded pretty sincere to me. I mean, this guy did what you couldn't and you were jealous."

"Don't interrogate me, Jim. I know you're good at it. Just ask what you want to ask."

"Fine. You love her?" A shocked expression came over Gil's face and he knew he wouldn't get an answer. "Okay. Easier question…maybe. What are you so afraid of? Losing your job? You're the best they got, Gil. They're not gonna get rid of you. I know you're not afraid of what other people think. You could give two shits about politics. So what is it?"

After a long, silent moment, "I hurt her, Jim. A lot. She's made every effort to make something out of…us, and I've just pushed her aside."

"So you're afraid she's gonna tell you no, reject you. You're afraid of getting hurt."

"Maybe."

"Maybe, hell, Gil! Christ! Don't you think you owe her enough to take that chance? If you've hurt her as much as you say you have then I think it's the least you could do for her." After another silent stretch, he continued with a softer tone, "I seem to remember us having a conversation a few years back about this girl you met in California while you were doing some bug seminar. You said she was a student. You said she was intelligent, interesting, funny, beautiful and that she liked bug stuff. You talked about her a lot. You told me the two of you were going to keep in touch and I thought someone had finally broken through your wall. But then you stopped talking about her right around the time Holly Gribbs was killed. Funny, but that's the same time that a certain CSI showed up here that no one but you knew anything about. Now, you never told me her name, and I guess I never put the pieces together before now, but I'd be willing to bet a pretty large sum of money that your 'student's' name was Sara Sidle."

"Very good, Detective."

"So, don't' you think someone you've been infatuated with for five years is worth taking a risk for?"

"I don't know, Jim. I need to sleep on this."

"Fine. You sleep on it. But dream about this. Dream of spending your life with the one person that can distract you from your creepy little bugs. The one person that actually appreciates your work habits. The one person that understands interrupting your only night off for a dead body. The one person you see when you close your eyes. Then, when that dream is over, have a nightmare. A nightmare of your lonely life without her. A nightmare about seeing her with someone else while you dream about her alone in your bed every night. Because you and I both know you'll never love anyone else." He stood to leave and glanced over at Gil with his mouth hung open and his drooping eyes widened. "Night, Gil."


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: For those of you still interested in this little game we're playing…it's only mine in my dreams.

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7

For the next week he purposefully put Sara on cases with other people while he worked mainly with one of the guys. Throughout the week he'd run Jim's last speech through his head a million times and he just needed time to think. His almost sleepless nights had been filled with a mix of dreams and nightmares that captivated his soul. They made him realize what was important to him and what scared the hell out of him. It had taken him a week, but he felt like he was finally ready to talk to Sara again. Tonight, he'd take his first baby step towards his dreams and away from his nightmares.

"Okay, gang, Catherine you got a DB in Henderson. Nick, Warrick, you guys get your own DB at the Rampart. Sara, you're with me." He was glad to see the hint of smile on her lips when he said the last sentence.

After the rest of the team left the room, she walked toward him, "What do we got?"

"Body farm."

Her eyes lit up like a child at Christmas, "Yes! Are you kidding me? You wouldn't joke about this. Another victim at the body farm? No way!"

He'd actually made her happy. But he had to break the news, "Well, yes and no. We are going to the body farm, but there's no victim."

"What? No victim? Then why are we going?"

"I'm going because I told a colleague of mine that I'd fill in for him tonight. I'm going to monitor some insect activity for him. You're going because I know you've never been there and that you've always wanted to go." He walked towards the door, but turned back just before he walked out and looked into her eyes, "And because I want you to go with me. We leave in ten minutes." He left her speechless, just as he'd wanted and went to his office to gather his things. Ten minutes later he found her standing beside the Tahoe waiting for him. She was always punctual; he loved that about her.

After the silent car-ride they both got out of the Tahoe and immediately put on gloves from their vests' pockets and took out their flashlights. He saw her eyes widen with every step. "I've, uh, got to go over here, but you can look around and then find me when you're ready." Without waiting for a response he walked away, knowing she'd be fine without him.

After a couple hours he heard her walk up behind him. His knees were already aching and his hands were cold as ice. February nights were definitely cold in Vegas. He was thankful when she came and gave him an excuse to stand. "Have fun?"

"Only you would think this was fun."

"You mean other than you?"

With a huge smile, "Yes, other than me." She tilted her head to the side and got a serious look on her face. "Uh, thank you."

Playing dumb, "For what?"

She punched him in the shoulder and he pretended like it really hurt, "You know what. You're the only person who'd ever think this was…nice. So, thank you. It means a lot to mean."

Bingo! He'd really done it! "Well, you're welcome." After a few moments, and choosing his words very carefully, "I owed you, anyway."

"For what?"

"Now it's my turn to say, 'you know what'."

Yes, she knew for what; she'd heard the speech he'd given in the interrogation room, but he didn't know she'd heard. So, was he apologizing for the way he'd treated her at Debbie Marlin's crime scene, or how'd he'd been treating her for the last three years? Either way, he realized he had mistakes to make up for and that was good enough for her. "Well…fine."

The moment passed and he wanted to get her back into the mood she'd been in a few minutes ago, so he changed the subject fast, "Hungry?"

"Sort of. Why? Did you bring melted chocolate to cover a couple insects with?"

"Very funny. Come on." Surprisingly, she didn't pull away when he grabbed her hand to tug her back to the car. When they got there, he popped the back hatch open and revealed a picnic basket. "Dinner is served. Or maybe breakfast."

With a smirk, "Midnight buffet?"

"Okay. I'd say we could eat out here, but it's kind of cold and I'd like to warm up a bit. Mind if we pile in the back seat?"

"Great." After he started the engine and turned on the heat, he got into the backseat. As he unpacked the food, including a thermos of coffee she smiled to herself. The last week had surely changed him. After hearing that speech he gave in the interrogation room, she'd basically fallen apart. Tears had come in waves and she didn't even bother to control them. Thankfully, Grissom had put her on cases with anyone else but him. Finally, halfway through the week she'd stopped crying and come to terms with the fact that the relationship they had would never be anything more. And now, here she was in the backseat of a car with him willing herself to stop falling all over again. But no matter what she told herself, she couldn't control her feelings. She loved him, no matter how many times he'd hurt her or rejected her. Somehow, her broken heart loved him through it all.

But what was this new side she was seeing in him? Why had he brought her here tonight? And how in the world did he think of bringing a picnic basket of food? She decided she wanted some answers, but wanted to keep the mood light, "Who are you? And what did you do with Grissom?"

"What?"

"Is he locked up somewhere? Are you his twin? Because I know him and this," pointing to all the food, "is not him. This must be you. So, again, who are you? And what did you do with Grissom?"

He laughed, just as she'd hoped, "Well, let's just say that I am the man Grissom would like to be, but sometimes doesn't know how."

"So you want to explain where you came from?"

"Hmm. Have you ever seen that movie with Jack Nicholson, As Good As It Gets?"

"Yes."

"Well, to use a quote in my own means, 'you make me want to be a better man'."

He chalked another one up under his name as he watched the gap-toothed smile form on her face that he dreamed about every day.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I have nightmares of this whole thing belonging to someone else. I wake up in cold sweats…and then I realize it's not really a nightmare; it's just the cold, hard truth.

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8

In the days that followed Sara found herself working every case beside Grissom. Since their backseat picnic Grissom had, more and more frequently, dropped little compliments and flirtatious remarks. She relished in the time they spent alone. He was very careful to only show his new side when there was no one around, and that was fine with her. Liking their privacy was a trait they both shared.

Tonight was no different. They were on the way to the scene in the Tahoe and he was driving. She was surprised by the small amount of tension she felt in the air, but brushed it aside as being tired. They were both on their seventh night in a row and he, like she, was probably looking forward to tomorrow, their day off.

A flash of white in front of her eyes interrupted her thoughts. When she focused, she realized it was an envelope that he was handing her. She took it from him and, upon closer inspection, she saw her name written in his familiar handwriting.

"Open it." After she started tearing open the flap, "I don't want you to respond now, I'd just like you to either follow or not follow the requests."

She turned to look at his quizzically, but he never took his eyes off the road. She turned her attention back to the envelope and found a note folded inside. She opened the perfectly tri-folded, lined paper and read:

_Sara,_

_I know that this may seem strange to you, but I have a request. I'm not sure whether I've gained the right to make this request, but I'm leaving that conclusion to you. In order to help you with your decision, I'd like to explain something. _

_As you may already know, the Debbie Marlin case affected me in a way that is hard for me to put into words. I know that you did see her body at least once when you printed her toes, but I don't know if you saw what I did. All I saw was you. I can only hope that you saw the same to help you understand that my actions towards you were not those of a crazy person, but those of someone who cared…no, cares about you. _

_Many fears attacked me in those two days, which I'd like to have a chance to explain to you. I'm not sure how long that will take me, or even if I can do it, but it would be a gift if you'd give me the chance that I don't even know if I deserve. _

_With that said, the proverbial ball is in your court. This is not saying that if you decide this is too much that I will end the relationship we have now. No matter how many steps we take toward furthering our bond, I do not want to lose what we have now. I am only saying that in order for me to make the next step, I need you to let me know you're ready. _

_This invitation is for tomorrow night, since we both have the night off, but it is open for any time that you feel ready after that if you think tomorrow's too soon. _

_Who: You._

_What: Semi-casual dinner (vegetarian) and discussion._

_When: Tomorrow, 6pm._

_Where: My place. _

_Why: "Just like the butterfly, I too will awaken in my own time." _

_Deborah Chaskin_

_Grissom_

The note haunted her thoughts the whole night, but Grissom carried on as if nothing had happened. She tried to stay focused, but her mind was occupied by the decision she had to make. He'd stated in his letter that he didn't want to lose what they had built, and so far he was holding to that. But if she didn't show up tomorrow night, would he be the same the next time they saw each other? Was she even ready to take the next step? The relationship they'd formed in the past few days worked for her. She enjoyed the time they spent together, the flirtatious remarks and the look in his eyes when they were alone. Did she want to take the chance of losing that to find out if they were capable of developing more?

"Sara?"

Shaken from her thoughts, "Yeah?"

"Where were you just then?"

"Sorry. Just thinking. I'm fine."

"You're not trying to escape from me are you?"

Smiling, "Have you captured me?"

"You tell me."

"More like captivated than captured."

"No desire to escape then?"

"There's no need to escape from somewhere that you're not being forced stay."

"Good."


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: The dreams and nightmares are mine, but everything else is sadly just borrowed.

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9

At 5:54, after a day full of contemplation, her car was parked in his driveway. Before she got out, she reread the letter for probably the millionth time for reassurance. She could do this. They could this.

With a little more confidence, she got out of her car. He'd said semi-casual, so she'd chosen black slacks and a silk maroon top. She'd contemplated bringing something, but everything she thought of was too feminine. Flowers, candy and stuffed animals popped to mind, but they were all things a man would bring a woman. She assumed he'd have dinner and dessert all planned out, so there was no need in bringing food and had no idea what he liked to drink besides juice and coffee.

She'd thought for a while and only hoped he like what she came up with. With the gift bag in hand, at 5:59 she was knocking on his front door. Her nerves picked up as she heard him unlocking the door, but eased when she was met with his smile.

"Hello, Sara." The sight of him made her weak in the knees. She was thankful for the outfit she'd chosen when she saw that his attire was a step between work and court. His black dress slacks had a shiny tint to them that complimented his almost sparkling dress shoes and he'd chosen a short-sleeved, powder blue dress shirt and had left the top two buttons undone.

"Hi."

"I'm glad you decided to come."

"Me too."

He stepped aside to let her enter and she was shocked when he helped her take off her coat. "Are you ready to eat, or would you like to have a drink first?"

"I don't want to spoil dinner. If it's ready, then let's eat while it's fresh."

"You won't spoil dinner, Sara. It's baked macaroni and cheese, salad and breadsticks. It will keep if you'd like to wait a half hour or so."

"Okay, then let's have a drink first."

"Good. Why don't you go turn on the stereo and I'll be right back."

Surprised at how easy this seemed to him, she wandered over to the stereo. She was amazed at the eclectic collection of cd's that he had. After a quick glance, she chose one by Kenny G. When he emerged from the kitchen with two wine glasses, he motioned to the couch. After they were seated, she gave him his gift.

"You didn't have to bring me anything."

"I know. I wanted to."

"Okay." When he pulled the frame from the bag, a smile formed on his face. She'd been lost trying to think of something to bring him and was very pleased with herself when she used his note as inspiration. Under the 'why' he'd used a quote about a butterfly, so she returned the favor. She'd gone online and searched for over an hour for an appropriate quote and finally found one. After she printed it out in a nice font, she'd gone to the store to buy a nice frame and gift bag. " 'We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.' Maya Angelou. It's wonderful, Sara, thank you."

"You're welcome. I just realized how much you've changed in the past week or so and I know it can't be easy for you. When you wrote that butterfly quote in your invitation, well…I just thought it was appropriate."

"It's perfect." After a short silence, "You know, I'd like to take the credit for thinking of the whole butterfly thing on my own, but I didn't. It, uh, has to do with Debbie Marlin. She collected butterflies, and throughout the case I kept thinking of all these quotes that had to do with butterflies. As I thought of each one, I thought of you. Now they're all just wandering around in my brain waiting to be used."

"Like?"

"Like? Well, like 'When a small child, I thought that success spelled happiness. I was wrong; happiness is like a butterfly which appears and delights us for one brief moment, but soon flits away.' Anna Pavlova."

"And why would you think of me when you thought of that quote?"

"Okay, I thought we'd do this after dinner, but…"

"That's fine, Grissom. If you're not ready…"

"No. I want to do this." She gave him a moment to gather his thoughts, "One of my…issues…with there being an 'us' is that I thought it would interfere with my career. Up until now, I thought that my career, my success, was my happiness. I wasn't willing to risk my success to be with you. During the Debbie Marlin case, I realized that Dr. Lurie was strong enough to make that sacrifice. I was jealous: jealous of a murderer. Jealousy is a feeling that I've only felt when it involves you."

"The whole case brought all my mistakes out of hiding and slapped me in the face with all of them at once. It was like my worst nightmare. All I could think of was how much I'd hurt you. It was like going through hell for two days. But now I'm grateful, because it was all worth it. It made me wake up and realize that I was wrong. My happiness isn't about my career; it's about you."

Tears threatened to fall from both their eyes, "Thank you. You'll never know how much that means to me."

"I think I have an idea. What do you say we take a break form this and have dinner? I'd hate to make a woman cry on our second date."

"Second date?"

"How soon you forget our little picnic."

"Ah. I hadn't realized we were considering that our first date."

"Well, now you know."


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: 'When we are dreaming alone, it is only a dream. When we are dreaming with others, it is the beginning of reality.' Dom Helder Camara. So here I am, dreaming with all of you that this will belong to me. But since most of you won't be dreaming that this will belong to me, but rather yourselves…I'm still just dreaming alone.

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10

Over dinner, they kept the conversation light. It wasn't until they returned to the couch after loading the dishwasher that the tension raised again. She wanted to make him more comfortable, so she started their conversation, "Grissom, I have something I need to tell you."

Almost relieved, "Okay."

"I don't really know how to say this, other than to just say it. Since you're being so honest about your feelings and what happened with the Debbie Marlin case, I think it's only fair that I let you know that I, uh, I heard your speech…in the interrogation room to Dr. Lurie. I heard it all."

"What?"

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I just didn't know how." She was starting to quickly ramble, "I wasn't trying to eavesdrop or anything, I was just…listening to you question a suspect. I didn't realize…"

He interrupted, "It's fine, Sara. It's shocking, but it's fine. So…since you have a slight insight, is there anything you want to ask?"

"The thing that hurt me the most was when I thought you didn't think I was worth the risk, and you've explained that already. But I would like to ease your mind a little. In your letter you wondered whether I'd seen myself when I looked at her, and I wanted to tell you that I did. It scared the hell out of me. So you're not a crazy person."

"Well thank God. You're the _only_ person who's said anything to me. I was beginning to think that I'd just imagined how much she looked like you."

"No, Catherine thought so, too. She said something to me after I printed her toes."

"She never said anything to me."

"Look Grissom, I think I can understand what you went through with this case. I don't need you to go through this ordeal…"

"No, Sara." She didn't understand his compulsion for this torture he was putting himself through, but was willing to be there for him if this was what he needed. "I've hurt you so many times, Sara. How is it that you forgive me every time and never expect an explanation?"

"I don't think you're ready for me to answer that yet, so why don't you just continue with whatever it is you need to say."

"I'm ready for whatever you have to say, Sara. If I wasn't, I wouldn't be here."

"Technically, you would be here because this is your home."

"You know what I mean."

"Yes, I do. I'm just not sure you know what you're saying."

"Maybe it's you who isn't ready to tell me your answer."

Knowing she was letting him win, but wanting to prove that she was really right, "Because I love you, Grissom."

She was right; he wasn't ready for that. "Why?"

"I thought I was here because you have things you need to tell me?"

"You are."

"So why don't we get back to that? We can have this conversation later."

"I guess I don't have a choice, do I?"

With a smile, "Nope."

"Okay then. The only way I know how to explain this whole thing to you is to walk you through my thoughts." After a deep breath, "When I saw Debbie Marlin's face, it made me sick. All I could see was you lying there. I had to go outside just to see you. I had to prove to myself that it wasn't you lying there. Then, when I got outside and saw you, I just wanted to go to you. I wanted to wrap my arms around you and…feel you. I wanted to protect you, from what I don't know, but I just wanted to wrap you in my circle of protection from any harm that could come your way. It took a lot for me not to just send you home. I didn't want you there. I didn't want you anywhere near that place. When I saw the hurt in your eyes when I told you to take the perimeter, my heart broke in two. I wanted to explain to you, right then and there, but I couldn't."

He paused then and she silently waited for him to catch his breath. "I thought I could handle it after I saw you, but when I saw Debbie Marlin lying on the floor again, I crumbled. I thought about what I would do if I were called to investigate your murder. What I'd do if I lost you…if I'd lost you without having the chance to tell you how wrong I'd been, how sorry I am for hurting you or how much I need you in my life. God, Sara, I have so much to make up for."

"Grissom, I'm assuming that the outcome you're looking for after our talk here is for me to forgive you for the mistakes you've made, right?"

"Yes, that's part of it."

"Okay. There's only one problem with your theory."

"And that is?"

"I've already forgiven you, it's you who hasn't forgiven yourself."

He stared at her in silence, with a shocked look on his face. "How can you have already forgiven me when you don't even know all my regrets?"

"Because I love you, Grissom. I've already told you that. You've broken my spirit, my soul and my heart over and over again and I'm still here. Lord knows I've tried. I tried to run so many times, as far away as possible. But there's this one person that always kept me here. Ironically, it was the one person who just kept pushing me away. There's only one thing that can overcome that: love."

"Sara, you are the most amazing person I know. And I guess I must be the luckiest, because there is no greater joy in life I can ask for than to be loved by you. You are strong, intelligent, and stunningly beautiful. I don't deserve you, and I probably never will."

"But?"

"But…if you can help me forgive myself for the hurt I've caused you, I'd like to give us a shot."

"I'd like that. How can I help?"

"Emotionally, I think my roller coaster ride is over for the night. Maybe I could sort out my thoughts and we could continue this another time?"

"Okay. It's getting late anyway. I should get going."

He helped her with her coat and led her to the door with his hand on the small of her back. When they got to his door, he gathered her into his arms. "I've wanted to do this for so long." She felt so right in his arms. She completed his circle of life. He didn't want to let her go, but knew he had to, so he went with his second choice, "Sara, will you have breakfast with me?"

She pulled back and looked into his eyes, "I'd love to. Would you like to come to my place this time?"

"Is eight too early?"

"No. Goodnight, Gris."

"Goodnight, Sara."


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: As I drift back to sleep and into dreamland, the next chapter unfolds in my mind. Then I slip into a nightmare, knowing this will never belong to me. So, "Welcome to my nightmare. I think you're going to like it." Alice Cooper.

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11

At eight o'clock on the dot there was a knock at her door. "Good morning."

He handed her a single yellow rose, "Yes it is. You look great."

Griss, I'm wearing jeans and a sweater." She didn't add that she thought he looked fabulous leaning against her door jam in his blue jeans, black shirt and jean jacket.

"You still look great to me."

"You're nuts. Get in here." After he hung up his coat, "Coffee?"

"Please. Anything I can do to help?"

"Just make yourself comfortable at the table. Everything's ready." She kept talking to him from behind the counter and he immediately decided he liked the open layout of her apartment. No matter where she was, except the bedroom or bathroom, he could always see her. "Did you sleep all right?"

"For a couple hours. I had a lot on my mind."

She set a plate with a Belgian waffle, fruit and yogurt in front of him and then sat down with hers across from him. "Wanna talk about it?"

"This looks fantastic, Sara! I didn't know you could cook."

"I can; I just choose not to most of the time. It's no fun cooking for one person. There's no one to impress with the outcome or the taste, no one to share the experience of the meal with."

"I've never thought of a meal as an experience."

"If you put over fifteen minutes into cooking a meal and preparing the table, it's an experience. Cooking a well-prepared meal is an art. Just like painting a picture or composing a song, once you're done, you want to share it with someone."

"Well, this meal, Miss Sara Sidle, is an exquisite piece of art."

"Thank you. But you haven't seen anything yet." He liked the silent promise of more homemade meals shared together. "So, I take it you don't want to talk about your somewhat sleepless night, so what are your plans for today?"

"I wasn't trying to avoid your earlier question, I was literally taken aback by the meal. I did get a couple good hours of sleep, I was just thinking for a while after you left. I was thinking about what you told me about forgiving myself and I think I know how you can help me."

"Okay."

"As each instance crosses my mind that I feel like I need to apologize for, I'm going to talk to you about it. I'm not going to sit here and try to create a list, because it's not like that. I'm just saying that when they pop into my head, I want to be able to explain why I acted the way I acted."

"Okay."

"That might mean that I call you at strange hours or times. If I can't reach you, or if it's not convenient for you, I'll write it down and talk to you about it later."

"Okay."

"Do you have anything else to say?"

"Should I?"

"I don't know. Do you think this is a stupid idea?"

"I think that everyone has to get through life's obstacles in their own way. If this is what's going to work for you, then far be it for me to stand in your way. I told you I'd help in any way I can, and I will."

"Okay. So, can we talk about one instance that's been on my mind?"

"Go for it."

"That night, after the lab blew up, you asked me to dinner. Do you remember?"

"How can I forget?"

"Hmm. Well, I turned down your invitation."

"I believe you told me that you didn't know how to handle this."

"Yes. Why does it not surprise me that you know what I said almost word for word? Anyway, what I wanted to tell you was what I meant by that. I was going through an internal struggle at the point you walked in my office. You see, for a few months prior to that, I'd been dealing with the pending loss of my hearing. I have otosclerosis; it's hereditary. My mother lost her hearing when I was five, but that's a whole other story." She was shocked at how open he'd just become with her. It the past 45 seconds he'd opened a door into his life for only her. "My point is, my life was in turmoil. My career, which we both know is important to me, depends on my five senses. When I thought I was going deaf, I saw my life flash in front of my eyes. I felt like I was losing everything. Then when the lab blew up and you were hurt, I just couldn't take it. Here I was worried about my hearing and whether or not I should have surgery and I almost lost you in the blink of an eye. I know you had no idea about my hearing, and I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about it, but I want you to know that you are the one that gave me the strength to have my surgery."

"I'm not sure I'm following you. I could just be in shock from this information overload, but my mind is not processing the whole 'fill in the blank' function that it normally does. So, could you help me out a little here?"

"Sorry, my mind is way out ahead of my words. What I mean is, when I saw you sitting on the curb after the explosion with your hand hurt, I was a whirlwind of emotions. I was so happy that you weren't badly hurt, terrified that you wouldn't recover from the trauma and confused with my inner drive to gather you in my arms and let you cry on my shoulder. Then when I heard about you going into that crime scene without it being cleared first, I just…it pushed me to the edge. I felt so helpless. My need to be able to take care of you took over. I knew the only way I could take care of you was to get better myself, first. My need to help you made me help myself. I think that if it weren't for that, I would have just pushed myself as far as possible without having that surgery. When you walked into my office and asked me to dinner, I had just taken out my doctor's card to call her about scheduling. When I said that I didn't know what to do about this, it wasn't just about us. I didn't know what to do about my health. There was a chance that the surgery wouldn't help; that I'd lose my hearing completely. I didn't know what to do about taking care of you. I didn't even know if I'd be in a position to be able to help you. I didn't know what to do about my job if the surgery didn't help. At that moment, I didn't know what to do about life. I only knew that my next step toward you was having that surgery."


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: Still can't afford them; they're only mine in my dreams. "But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under you feet; tread softly because you tread on my dreams." W.B. Yeats

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12

The next three days were a whirlwind of rough cases and long nights. They had both worked two doubles straight and it was beginning to look as though they were headed for their third. She had to admit that it was nice to spend all of this time with him, but she was really looking forward to her day off tomorrow. Grissom didn't share the same night off as her, but instead had the next night off, and she tried to convince herself that she was glad that they would have personal time apart from one another. She knew they each needed their own space, and she was the first to admit that she didn't want to be in a smothering relationship, but all she could think about spending time with him.

True to his word, Grissom had kept their relationship on the same track. As each day went by she became more and more secure in the fact that they would not lose the strong bond they'd formed in the past couple weeks. In fact, she felt like they grew closer together with each passing day. With that thought, she glanced up from her work and across the room to the man she was madly in love with. Just seeing him made her heart skip a beat. She couldn't believe how far they'd come. It was like all her dreams were coming true all at once. The emptiness she felt in her heart was now beginning to fill with love again and the anguish she felt every time she looked at him had now turned into utter joy and deep satisfaction.

From across the room, without even looking up, "Something you wanted, Dear?"

She blushed, caught in the act, "Yes, actually." He looked up with a raised eyebrow. Without any further response, she went back to work and left him with the smoky look in his eyes to think about her answer. She could feel his eyes burning holes in her skin from across the room and forced herself not to look at him. Eventually, she heard the click of the latches of his kit and realized he'd gone back to work.

Later in the night, well into their second shift, they pulled on jumpsuits to process the car in the garage. Her fatigue was as obvious to him as his own. She'd lost her usual bounce a few hours earlier and the bags under her eyes were almost as large as his. She needed to get some sleep. "After this, we're leaving. We both need some sleep."

"I'm fine, Gris. You're the one that needs sleep. I don't have to work tomorrow…well…today. You're the one that has to be back here in less that 12 hours."

"I said 'we.' We're both leaving. And you're not fine; you're tired."

"I know." A few minutes later, "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Knowing me." The only response she got was a smile.

They both left the lab once the car was processed, just as Grissom had said. Within twenty minutes of getting home, she was curled up in bed under the covers and had fallen fast asleep into dreamland. Dreams were sweet, now. Sleep was welcomed, not avoided. She used to dread going to sleep, knowing that her mind would be flooded with nightmares that would make her even more tired upon waking than when she'd gone to sleep. But now, when she closed her eyes, she drifted into a land where all her wishes came true. Visions of Grissom were now welcomed as her mind realized that her dreams might become a reality.

The sound of her cell phone woke her from her blissful sleep and, with a quick glance at the clock on her nightstand, she realized she'd slept for over eight hours. She silently cursed the person on the other end of the phone for interrupting her dream before it ended and without looking at the caller ID, "Sidle."

She smiled when she heard Grissom's voice. "I'm sorry for waking you, but I need you."

With a smirk, "My place or yours?"

Even without seeing him, she knew he was blushing. He cleared his throat, "Um, as much as I'd like to say, 'I'll be right there', I need you here, at the lab. I know it's your night off, but I need your help. We're tapped. Warrick and Nick are on a triple and Cath is busy with a sleepover for Lindsey."

She got out of bed and started to get ready, but was not going to let him off that easy, "Rain check?"

"Work doesn't wait, Sara."

"That's not what I was talking about."

He was blushing again, "Oh!" After a few seconds of silence, in a husky tone, "Good things come to those who wait."

She chuckled, "Am I meeting you at the lab or a scene?"

"I'll pick you up. When can you be ready?"

"I'll leave the door unlocked, just come over."

She stepped out of the bathroom, fully dressed and ready to go, and the smell of coffee filled her senses. When she walked out of her bedroom, her heart jumped in her throat when she saw Grissom leaning against her breakfast bar reading the paper with a coffee cup beside him. She could definitely get used to him being the first person she saw when she woke up.

"Hi."

He turned to her, "Hello. I made coffee."

"I see that." He walked around the bar and poured her a cup in a travel mug she left on the counter. She walked toward him and when he handed it to her, "Thank you."

He brushed her hair back from her face and tucked it behind her ear, "You're welcome." Shivers ran down her spine with the whisper of his words and the heat of his hand on her cheek. She looked deep into his eyes and saw a passion that she'd never seen before. She thought she was dreaming when she saw his face move toward hers, but after the gentle scratch of his beard against her chin she new it was real. His lips were softer than she'd ever dreamt and the sparks that ignited inside her were far better than any fantasy she'd ever had. The kiss was brief, but magical, and well worth the wait.

When he pulled back from her, with his head tilted to the side and a self-satisfied smile on his face, "Uh, maybe we should get going."

She turned to grab a breakfast bar from her cupboard, "What do we got?"


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: Some imagine CSI to belong to them, but I only dream about it. "I am accustomed to sleep and in my dreams to imagine the same things lunatics imagine when awake." Rene Descartes.

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13

At the end of shift, she walked into Grissom's office to find him milling over some paperwork, "So, you call me in to go to a scene so you can come back here and do paperwork while I process the evidence?"

He looked up at the beautiful woman walking toward him. Memories of their kiss had lingered on his mind all day and were distracting him from doing what he needed to do. "I, uh, need to do your evaluation."

She sat down in the chair opposite him, "And?"

In a hushed voice, "And I'm finding it a little difficult to be impartial with thoughts of…earlier events, running through my mind."

After getting up and closing his office door, "Griss, my work hasn't changed. What we do outside of work has no bearing on what we do while at work. Whatever you have to say to me or have to write on my evaluation, I can take it. But, uh, I am glad that you are somewhat distracted."

Without a word, he dropped the open manila folder in front of her on his desk. After a few minutes of reading, she picked up a pen and signed in the designated spot. "Don't you want to talk about it?"

"Why? You stated in here that I'm very dedicated and well educated. On the flipside, I have a problem with prioritizing and getting emotionally vested in my cases. None of that is inaccurate. There's nothing to talk about."

"Well, that was easy."

"I try."

With a smirk, "I'll keep that in mind." After a moment, "I'm glad that you stopped by before you left, by the way. I mean, other than the fact that I needed to get this done."

"Uh, Griss, I didn't have a choice."

"What do you mean?"

"You picked me up today, remember?"

"Sorry. My thoughts were about the events in the kitchen, not the fact that you don't have a car here."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"Good, but back to my point. I don't want you to be mad, and if you are, then I apologize ahead of time and I can change it." 'Please don't let her be mad,' he added to himself.

"Change what?"

After carefully choosing his words, "I, uh, took the liberty of getting you tonight off, since you worked last night for me."

"Oh."

"I also have the night off and I was hoping that we could spend some time together." He silently added, 'Actually, I'd like to spend every second with you,'

"Hmm."

"I do have a plan in mind, if you're not upset. Are you?" He held his breath as he waited for her response. He'd been planning this for days and only hoped she'd go along with his plan. Getting her the night off had been easy because Catherine needed to switch her night off to be with Lindsey tonight and was more than willing to work for Sara the next day. He knew calling Sara in would be no problem. So far, his plan was unfolding perfectly. Now he waited, as if his life depended on it, for the last puzzle piece to fall into place.

"Upset because I get to spend an evening with you instead of working? Not in this lifetime."

After a sigh of relief and a silent 'yes!' his nerves calmed, "Good. Come on, I'll tell you about my plans on the way."

He watched her through the rearview mirror as he drove away from her apartment with excitement running through him about his plans for their evening. He knew that he needed to get some sleep, but he had a couple things to do first. During their drive, he'd simply told her that he wanted to pick her up around six for a proper date. Careful not to ruin his surprise, he'd divulged as little information as possible.

For the first time in his life he was actually celebrating Valentine's Day and wondered whether Sara even realized that the day existed. She hadn't mentioned the upcoming holiday all week and didn't say a word about it when he was talking about his plans for the evening either. Was she, like he, celebrating the holiday for the first time? Not that that mattered to him. All that mattered was that, this year, she was celebrating with him and he planned on this being the first of many years to come. He just needed to make sure he convinced her that he was worth celebrating with.

With that in mind, he was off to the dry cleaners to pick up his suit and that he'd dropped of the day before then to Hallmark. After he finished his shopping, he headed home for some much-needed sleep.

After a couple hours of intermitted naps, the ring of his cell phone woke him up. "Grissom."

"Hey, it's Jim. Did I wake you up?"

"Sort of. What do you need, Jim? It's my night off."'

"I know, but I got a dead body and no one to investigate. Everyone's busy."

"Call someone from days or swing. I'm not coming in tonight."

"You kidding me?"

"Nope. And don't call Sara, either."

"Hmm. So, you just happen to know that she's busy, too?"

"Yes, I do."

"Yeah, well, I already called her. She's on her way."

He sat straight up, "What?"

"Just messin' with you, Gil. Calm down. She said she had plans. Figured you might know something about that."

With a sigh of relief, "Yes, I do."

"My buddy, Gil, has a date on Valentine's Day. Congrats!"

"Thanks."

"What are your plans?"

"Where are you?"

"Don't worry. No one can hear me. So?"

"I booked the penthouse at the Mirage."

"Wow! You move fast."

"Cut it, Jim. I want to have a fancy dinner with her, but I'm not ready for the whole public 'thing' yet. The Mirage has excellent food and they provide in-room meals. I chose the penthouse because it has two bedrooms in case we want to stay the night. You should know me better than to think I'd trap a woman into sleeping with me."

"I do. I just like finally being able to give you a hard time about a girlfriend. You know, they have a spa, too. Did you get her a package?"

"Sara doesn't like spas; the germs."

"Ah! That figures. What did you get her then, since I know you're not proposing?" After a short silence, "You're not are you?"

"Why would it be shocking if I did?"

"Because I know you. And if you're not ready for the public 'thing', then you're not ready for marriage."

Jim was the only person, besides his mother, who could read him. They'd become very close over the years and at this moment he was really glad he had someone to talk to about Sara. "Hmm. Well, you're right, I'm not proposing. I bought her an anklet."

"Sounds like you. Something she can always wear and no one else will ever see."

"Don't make it sound so bad."

"It's not bad, it's just you. You're private: nothing wrong with that. So, call me tomorrow, let me know how it goes."

"You got it."


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: Erma Bombeck once said, "It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else." This is very true. To share you vision is no easy task, but I encourage each of you to dream your own dream, as I have in this fic, and share with the rest of us. Again, I own nothing but the dream.

Thanks: Thanks to everyone for reading and the reviews are great! Everyone's reactions are very inspiring, so please, review on!!!!

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14

After checking his image in the mirror one last time before leaving the bathroom, he admitted to himself that he'd changed. He laughed more, there was a bounce in his step and he'd actually caught himself humming a couple of times while doing paperwork in his office. Even his reflection was different than it was two weeks ago. The dark pools of his eyes now sparkled, the bags under his eyes from lack of sleep were no longer there and his smile seemed to be a permanent part of his overall look. The crow's feet at his eyes and the gray that was taking over his hair's natural shade usually bothered him, but tonight even those looked good to him. He'd chosen to wear his favorite black suit, a sparkling white dress shirt and, for Sara, a purple tie that turned various shades of gray and purple depending on the way he looked at it. Although she'd never actually said, he assumed purple was her favorite color. It was her color of choice for decorating her entire apartment and he also remembered in college that she carried a purple backpack and a purple coffee mug that she brought to every one of his lectures.

It amused him that he remembered so many little things about her and the development of their relationship now that they'd taken this next step. It was if he'd granted his mind and heart permission to reminisce. He remembered all the laughter they shared while she was in college, all the emails and midnight phone calls, how butterflies scrambled in his stomach the day he called to ask her to come to Vegas and how he'd held his breath when he asked her to stay. But his good memories were also mixed with bad. He remembered how hurt he was when she posed as bait for a murderer in a case the first year she'd come to Vegas, how terrified he was when she was hurt when the lab blew up and how helpless he felt when she'd told him she woke up at night to the sound of a victim's cries. But all these memories made him feel alive again and full of feelings he hadn't felt in years.

She was so good for him. Until now, he hadn't realized how unhappy he'd been all these years, pouring himself into a career that he thought would be enough for him. Every day of his life had been centered on his work and he'd never imagined anything taking over that part of who he was. What he didn't realize was that he didn't have to choose between work and love. There was one woman who shared his passion for work and loved him, too.

Sara loved him. He hadn't really thought about that until the last couple days. She actually loved him, and though the word lingered in his mind, it hadn't slipped off his tongue. Every step he'd made towards her so far had been well thought out and taken with extreme caution. This next step scared him the most. To him, it was the point of no return. He could feel the love for her in his heart, but actually saying it would push him to a place where there would be no turning back. No turning back meant losing what they had built, and he wasn't sure he was ready to risk losing the one thing he'd found that made him truly happy. It had taken him years to risk his career for her, and he wasn't sure how long it would take him to make this next step. With a deep breath and the decision of his lifetime lingering on his mind, he headed out for what was sure to be the most romantic night of his life.

When he arrived at her apartment, present in hand, he looked at his watch to make sure he was on time then knocked lightly on the door to his future. He wasn't sure what he was expecting to see when she opened the door, but what he did know was that it was nothing anywhere near what he got. She absolutely took his breath away. Her long gorgeous legs clad with silky stockings were visible from the strapped, black-heeled shoes to her mid-thigh where his eyes were met with the perfect little black dress. Long sleeves covered her slender arms and a scoop neck dipped dangerously near the curve of her breasts. From her chest to her thighs, the fabric clung like a second skin and when she made a turn for him he saw that her beautiful back was only covered by two slim black straps that made a cross from one side of the dress to the other. She'd curled her hair and pulled it back so that the curls pooled at the back of her head and neck. Simple diamond stud earrings, a matching necklace and light makeup made up her stunning look.

"You're breathtaking." She smiled her thank you and he leaned forward to kiss her cheek only to realize that it wasn't just her looks that would tantalize him tonight, but also her intoxicating scent. When he pulled back, he handed her the box and card that he carried, "This is for you."

They took a few steps inside and he leaned against the breakfast bar while he watched her open her gift. After reading the card, "Where did you find this?"

"Hallmark. Like it?"

"It's amazing. You must have looked forever."

"Well, I'd like to regale you with a tale of how I went from store to store trying to find the perfect card, but I figure the truth is always best. It was actually the very first card I picked up. I never looked at another one." It really was the perfect card. He couldn't believe it himself when he'd read it. One the outside of the card were two purple butterflies and the words 'Love is like a butterfly…' and on the inside, '…it goes where it pleases, and pleases where it goes.' Underneath those words, he'd written, 'And I am very pleased. Love, Grissom.' "Open your gift."

With tears threatening her eyes, she opened the box. His heart skipped a beat as he watched her hand go to her mouth and a tear slip down her cheek. Inside the tiny box was a gold anklet with two charms, a butterfly and a heart. "It's beautiful, Grissom."

"I'm glad you like it. Would you like to wear it?"

"Of course."

He fumbled at first. Being this close to her delicate ankles made him nervous and his hands weren't made to work tiny latches, but it finally went together. While still staring at her ankle, "I wanted to give you something that you could always wear, no matter what."

She took his hand to pull him up and wrapped her arms around his neck. "It's perfect. And whenever you want to see it, it will always be on my ankle."

He smiled and tilted his head to the side. After slipping his arms around her tiny waist, he pulled her body against his in a tight embrace and captured her lips with his. He was sure he heard a symphony in the background as their tongues danced together. It was a moment of magic that would never be replaced in his mind. When he pulled back and looked into her eyes, he saw his very bright future, filled with happiness, excitement and love.

"Your chariot awaits, Miss Sidle. Are you ready for your evening?"

"I most certainly am, Mr. Grissom."


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: I think we all dream that this belongs to us, even though it does not. But as Eleanor Roosevelt said, "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."

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15

When they walked into the hotel he grinned as he watched heads turn in their direction. Every man in the lobby was jealous and every woman envious. He'd already checked in before picking her up so he veered her straight to the elevator with the hand on her back. Once inside, Sara spoke for the first time. "Are you taking me to a hotel room?"

With a smug smile, "Yep."

Silence loomed between them as the elevator stopped on the top floor and they walked into their room. Once inside, he walked straight to the telephone, "This is Gil Grissom…Yes, the Penthouse…We're ready for dinner, now…Yes, the champagne also…No, I'll call down for the dessert later…That'll be fine…Thank you."

He heard a laugh from behind him, "So, we're eating dinner here?"

He turned and crossed his arms in front of his chest, "Of course. What else would we be doing in a penthouse suite?"

"Well, I can think of one thing."

Still smiling, "How low you must think of me to think that I would bring you to a hotel room for that."

"Better than the back seat of a car."

"I don't do that."

"Good, me either."

"Good. But I do do this." He walked across the room, turned on the stereo and walked back towards her, dropping his coat on the couch on the way. He pushed her wrap off her shoulders and draped it over a nearby chair, "Sara, will you dance with me?"

"I'd love to." They glided in each other's arms to a song neither knew and never stopped as the song ended and another started. The whole world around them disappeared and they fell into the peaceful world of love created for just the two of them. If not for the knock on the door from what he expected was dinner, they probably could've danced all night. After a kiss on her cheek he reluctantly pulled away and answered the door.

"Good evening Dr. Grissom. Would you like this set up on the table?"

"Yes, thank you." Once they were alone again, "I hope you're hungry."

"Very." After they both sat, "Thank you, Grissom. This is all…beyond any expectation I ever had."

"I think I should be thanking you."

"For what?"

"For everything. For being the only woman that would _ever_ put up with me, the only person who would've stuck around this long after everything I've put you through and for…for loving me."

"Then, you're welcome."

"You know, when you first told me that…that you loved me, you were right when you said I wasn't ready to hear it; you're right about a lot of things. But I've thought about that a lot and I know now that I'm ready to let you love me. I know that may sound…strange, but it's important to me that you understand."

She picked up her fork and began eating, "Grissom, I understand that allowing love in our relationship is a big step for you, that's why I haven't pushed it on you since the first time I said it."

He smiled and breathed a sigh of relief. He was right; she was so good for him. She could take any tense situation and ease his mind with a few simple words. Following her cue, he began to eat as he talked, "It amazes me how much you know me, sometimes. In fact, it scares me. I guess that's the biggest reason why this is so hard for me. I've never let anyone _really_ know me. You know me better than anyone and I think that's why I pushed you away." After a short pause, "There's something I'd like to tell you, but it might be hard to listen to." After a nod of her head, "The last person that saw _me_, was a woman I met on a case. Her name was Lady Heather. It fascinated me that she read me so easily. She told me things about myself that I don't even know if I'd even admitted to myself. I, uh, I kissed her. But then I accused her of murder. At that moment, I convinced myself that I wasn't cut out for the whole relationship thing. Once I let somebody in, I found a reason to push her away. I look back on that now and realize how stupid I was. I was fascinated with her for the same reason I pushed you away."

"Do you regret pushing her away?"

"I did at first. I don't anymore."

"Why?"

"Because I don't love her."

"And do you think you're ready for the whole relationship thing now?"

"I think so."

She breathed a sigh of relief and moved on to her next tough question, "Are you still looking for a reason to push me away?"

He looked at her then, deep into her eyes. "I'm trying not to."

"Good."

"I just need you to know, that if something comes along and it seems like I'm pushing you away, I want you to remind me of this conversation."

With a huge smile, "I can do that." She tried to lighten the mood, "Do you want me to push you around a little, too? Maybe a couple smacks or knocks on the head?"

He chuckled, reveling again in how good she was for him, "We'll see."

"Fine! Take away all my fun!"

"Speaking of fun, I have been remembering things a lot lately, things about us. Do you remember that night at Harvard when we got caught in the rain?"

They both started to laugh, "Yeah! We both got soaked! It was the first time I heard you swear. You draped your coat over my head and we ran for cover under a big oak tree."

"Then we huddled there. You were shivering! Then you said, 'Hell with it!' and ran back out into the rain."

"You watched me dance out there for almost a full minute before you dropped your coat and joined me. I figured you thought I was nuts!"

"I did. It was great. You were so happy then. I miss that."

"You left your coat there."

"I know."

"I still have it."

He was shocked, "What?"

"Yeah, I went back the next morning, I guess to remember. When I saw it lying on the ground, I picked it up. I tried to find you, to give it back, but you'd already left."

With regret in his voice, "I never said good-bye."

"You had a case to get back to in Vegas." There she was forgiving him again, but he heard no regret in her matter-of-fact tone. "I had the coat dry cleaned. It's in my closet."

"How come you've never mentioned this before?"

"Because I decided it was my piece of you."

"Good. Then keep it." She smiled at him and he wanted to reach across the table and gather her in his arms. She was so special. Then out loud, "My dream come true."

"What?"

Slightly embarrassed, "Uh, sorry, I was just thinking out loud." Knowing she wasn't going to drop it, "I was just thinking of how special you are to me and I said you're my dream come true."


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: "Existence would be intolerable if we were never to dream." Anatole France. Therefore, I continue the dream, if only to exist.

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16

Room service had come to clean up the dinner mess and had brought coffee and dessert. He'd ditched his jacket and tie, but even with no shoes she still looked slightly uncomfortable curled up on the couch in her dress. Before he realized what he was saying, "There are robes in the bathroom if you'd like to change."

With a smirk, "Are we planning on staying a while?"

He blushed, "Uh, I think I'll leave that up to you. There are two bedrooms, so if you'd like to spend the night then we certainly can. If you'd rather, I can take you home whenever you're ready."

Without a word, she rose and walked toward the bathroom. When she emerged wearing a robe and slippers, his pulse raced. Did this mean she wanted to stay? He hoped so. The thought of leaving her tonight made his heart ache. He raised an eyebrow when she curled back up on the couch. "I'd like to stay."

With a huge smile, "Me too." He toed off his shoes and removed his dress shirt and belt, glad that he was careful to choose a white undershirt without any holes in it. He held out his arms to her, "Can I hold you?" She moved towards him and he gathered her into his arms and onto his lap. With his head rested on hers, "I missed this. I know this isn't the same as dancing in the rain or having my arm around your waist when we walked or around your shoulders when we watched that movie, but I just missed holding you."

"Mmm, that was the best movie I've ever seen."

"Really? I didn't think you liked silent films."

"I don't."

"Then how was it your favorite?"

"I didn't say the movie was my favorite. In fact, I don't even remember the movie at all. I just said that it was the best movie I'd ever seen. It was my best experience seeing a movie. It was more about the company than the movie."

"It was called The Love Flower. But thank you for the compliment."

"You're welcome."

"We had so many good times, Sara. Why did I let that go?"

"Because you were scared. It's okay to be scared, Griss. You have to stop beating yourself up over that. Besides, we're here now."

He squeezed her tighter and without thinking, "I love you."

She pulled back from him and looked into his eyes with a questioning look. Then, after a smile, "I love you, too." She snuggled back into his arms and after a few silent minutes, "Are you okay?"

Had he really just said that? What was he thinking? He wasn't; that was the point. 'Don't think, just follow your heart,' he told himself. "Are you okay?"

"Yes."

"Then I'm okay. I love you, Sara. I've always loved you. I was just too scared to show it until now. You always seem to know the right thing to say to me at just the right moment." He lifted her chin with his finger and drew her lips to his. All of their passion came out in this one kiss that was filled with all the pent-up love they'd held back for all these years. Her arms snaked around his neck and he groaned as she ran her fingers through the curls at his neck. His lips left hers and trailed down her beautiful neck. She wiggled on his lap when he pushed the robe off her shoulder and attacked it with his tongue.

He was lost in her when he heard his name in a breathless whisper, "Griss?"

After reluctantly pulling back, he cupped her face in his hands, whispering back, "What?"

"We, uh, we have to stop."

She expected an argument, but was shocked when he curled her back up into his arms with, "Okay."

"Don't you want to know why?"

"You want to stop, Sara. That's all I need to know. I don't want to do anything you aren't ready for."

She pushed back slightly so she could see his face, "I didn't say I wasn't ready. There's just something we need to talk about."

"Okay."

"This is a little weird for me. I've never had to tell anyone this before. It's silly, really. I'm, uh, I'm not on birth control. I've tried all kinds, but they all make me violently ill."

"And I'll admit that I didn't plan on this, so…"

"So…can I sleep with you?"

He stood, with her in his arms, and lightening the mood, "As long as you keep that robe on."

"Deal."

Once they were under the covers, he pulled her as close to him as possible, with her back against his chest and kissed her exposed neck.

"Good night, Gris."

"Good night, Hun."


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: "The best reason for having dreams is that in dreams no reasons are necessary." Ashleigh Brilliant. So, with no reason, I dream.

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17

His dreams were filled with passion and love. His mind ran free with visions of Sara in his arms, in his heart and in his life. He could have peacefully slept all night, but was woken up by the sound of her beautiful voice, "Griss?"

His eyes fluttered open slightly and hers met his lips. Before he fully woke up, he felt the warmth of her hands under his shirt. Their kiss deepened as she pulled him closer to her. When she slipped her leg in between his, his mind woke up and he quickly gathered his thoughts. In between kisses, "Sara?"

"Mmm?"

"I thought…we…weren't…going to…do this."

She pulled back from him, then, and got out of bed. He thought he'd hurt her when she turned her back to him, but realized he was wrong when the robe dropped from her shoulders to the floor at her feet. Fully awake now, he sat up as she shyly looked over her shoulder and unhooked her bra.

Breathlessly, "Sara."

She shushed him and continued to remove the lacy black thong that left little to the imagination. She tossed another shy look over her shoulder and he held his breath as she turned to face him. He didn't breathe again until she climbed back under the covers with him. "You're breathtaking."

"Make love to me."

He cupped her face in his hands, "Sara…"

"Shhh. Make love to me. I'm sure."

Needing no further push, he did just that. All his dreams and fantasies came true in the next couple hours. His nightmares were washed away with each kiss, tender touch and passionate whisper. In the moments when they were joined as one his future with her flashed in front of his eyes.

When she drifted off to sleep in his arms, he saw those visions again, surprised at what he saw. These were not general shots of a loving relationship, but rather of two left hands adorned with wedding rings, his beautiful bride walking down the isle, his mother's eyes filled with tears of joy as he announced she was going to be a grandmother and his wife with sweat on her brow while in labor with their child.

These were not only his dreams, but also his future. Secure in this knowledge, he drifted into a sleep filled with dreams of a soon-to-come proposal to the woman he loved.

He woke the next morning with a smile on his face and the woman of his dreams curled in his arms. Softly, he whispered in her ear, "Sara. Honey, we have to get up." She squirmed a little, "It's after ten o'clock and we both have to work tonight."

Finally, without opening her eyes, "Ten? Mmm. Okay." Her eyes opened, "I'm up."

"Breakfast?"

"Coffee."

"Shower now or at home?"

"Home. Fresh clothes."

"Okay then, coffee to go." She was definitely not a morning person. All of her responses were one or two words and filled with fatigue. But it was just another thing for him to love. He didn't mind spending the rest of his life searching for her morning smile. He quickly kissed her before rolling over to order the coffee that he probably could have made himself in the kitchen. "This is Dr. Grissom…Yes, the penthouse…Can we have coffee sent up in to-go cups…Can you also send up two toothbrushes, toothpaste and a brush maybe…Cost doesn't matter…That will be fine…Thank you." Then to Sara, who had moved into the bathroom, "Coffee in ten minutes."

She poked her head out the door, "Did I hear something about a toothbrush?"

He smiled, "Yes you did."

Once he dropped her off at her apartment, he suddenly felt empty. She now held a part of him that he would never get back. A few weeks ago, that would have terrified him, but now it satisfied him.


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: Some might find it strange that I dream for CSI to be mine, because it never actually will. But--"Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly." Langston Hughes.

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18

Before he knew it the first of March had arrived and his procrastination was getting the better of him. His mother's birthday was Saturday and he was going to see her for the weekend just like he did every year. This year, though, he wanted Sara to go with him. But every time he tried to ask her, something got in the way. They'd worked several long shifts and hadn't had a night off together since Valentine's Day. Even while at work together, they never seemed to work the same cases since Catherine had taken some vacation time, which made him use Sara as the primary on hot cases rather than having her help him with his. He tried not to talk about anything personal at work, but tonight he was going to break that rule.

Walking in to the break room, he handed out assignments. "All right guys and gals, we've got a slow night tonight. I've got one assignment, a DB in Henderson. Cath, since you're fresh back from vacation, it's all yours. Nick, Warrick, you guys wrap up that double homicide from last week. Sara, you're with me."

After leaving the break room, she caught up with him in the hall, "What exactly are we doing?"

"Going to my office."

"Am I in trouble?"

After entering the dark room filled with his experiments, he shut the door and with a raised eyebrow, "Would you like to be?"

"Maybe."

His eyes sparkled, "Well, you're not…yet." He smiled then continued, "Listen, I know we agreed we wouldn't talk about 'us' at work, but I need to ask you something."

A knock on the door interrupted him, and he swore under his breath. Was fate against him? Nick walked in, without being asked, "Hey! Sorry to interrupt, but this case just came in. Police officer found an abandoned car in a parking garage, says there's blood on the steering wheel."

A little annoyed, Grissom replied, "And?"

"And…I just wanted to know if I should run with it."

"Sure, fine. Take Warrick if he wants out of the lab for a while."

"Great. See ya'll later."

After the door shut, he started again, "Sorry about that. Where was I? Oh, yes. I just wanted to ask you something and I'll admit that I've been procrastinating."

Another knock and the swish of his door opening caused another profanity to escape his mouth. He calmed a little bit when he looked up to see Jim standing there. "Whatever it is, Jim, it's gonna have to wait just a couple minutes. You can stay if you want, but only if you close the door and promise not to let it open again until I'm finished."

With a smile, he did as he was told, "You got it."

"Okay. Jeez, this is like pulling teeth. So, I've been procrastinating. I don't know if you've looked at the vacation board, but I'm taking this weekend off."

"I did notice. It's your mother's birthday. You go every year."

For a moment, he stared at her, stunned at the words that had just come from her mouth, "How'd you know that?"

"You told me back in college that you went to see your mother every year at her birthday and I remember you were going there after a lecture you gave during the first week of March. Ever since then, you've gone away for the first or second weekend in March."

"I forget sometimes that you are an amazing CSI and you never miss a beat."

"Thanks."

Shaking his head, "Anyway, what I wanted to ask was if you'd go with me?"

Now it was her turn to be shocked, "You want to take me to meet your mother?"

"Yes. I've told her a lot about you and I'd like the two of you to meet. It's important to me."

As usual, she turned their serious conversation around, "Well, I'm not sure if I can get the time off. I have this really stubborn supervisor and he really doesn't like me much."

After a purse of his lips and a look over his glasses, "Is that a yes?"

"Sure. If it's important to you, then I'll go with you."

"Great!"

"So, am I done guarding the door now? Cause I only stopped by to see if you'd gotten off your ass and invited her yet."

With her mouth hung open, "He knew?"

Matter-of-factly, "Yeah."

"Well then, I'll see you two lovebirds later."

After his exit, "What else does he know?"

A short pause followed as he assessed her question, then, as if a light came on, "Not that! I do _not_ kiss and tell."

"Damn. I might have gotten some honest feedback with a little friendly torture." After a smirk, "So, what the heck are we working on tonight? Because I have no active cases."

"I know. I just wanted to talk with you. Now, you can help me with paperwork, my favorite job."

"Oh, no! I am _not_ doing your paperwork. I hate paperwork as much as you do."

"Don't you feel sorry for me?"

She stood, as if to leave, "No."

"If you loved me, you'd feel sorry for me and help so I didn't have to do all this alone. But…" After she sat back down, he said to himself, 'Works every time.'

"You don't play fair."


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: "I have had dreams and I have had nightmares, but I have conquered my nightmares because of my dreams." Jonas Salk. I used to have nightmares that none of this belonged to me, but now it is not a nightmare, but a dream, because this is all really hard to take care of! AAAHHHH!!!!

Explanation: Okay, thanks again for reading. This is ending up to be a whole lot longer than I originally anticipated. Thoughts just keep jumping in my head, though. And I am known to be a little long-winded. Hope nobody is bore with this whole thing! Anyway! My reason for this interruption is to explain the whole sign language thing. //_Anything that you see typed like this is either signed or signed and spoken.// _I'm going with the whole idea that Mrs. Grissom can speak, just not clearly.

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19

As they pulled into his mother's driveway, he looked over to see an almost panicked look on her face. "Sara, are you okay?"

"Fine. I'm fine."

Fine. He'd learned that 'fine' was her favorite word when she was lying about how she felt and when she didn't make a move to get out of the car when he opened her door, he knew she was anything _but_ fine. He knelt on the ground beside her and took her hands in his on her lap, "Sara, can you hear me?" He knew she was off in her own world; the look gave her away every time. But after a slight nod of her head, "Sara, there's nothing to be scared of. I know that family is…an issue for you, but you're not in this alone. I'll be right beside you every step of the way. And any time you want to leave, we will."

Without looking at him, "You'd do that for me?"

His hand moved to her face and turned it towards his, "Of course I would, Hun. I love you. This is not meant to hurt you or scare you. I just want you to meet my mother and I only see her once or twice a year."

After a deep breath, "Okay. Let's do this."

With a quick kiss, she got out of the car and they carried their bags to the door, which he opened with his own key. From their conversations the past week, she'd found out that his mother was deaf. He was fluent in sign language and both he and his mother could read lips very well. He'd told her to speak slowly and clearly, always look at her when she spoke and never over exaggerate or it would piss her off. She had been scared a little about being able to understand Mrs. Grissom, but he'd told her not to worry. Evidently she sounded out some words while she signed, but above and beyond that, he would translate.

Once inside, they set their bags by the stairs then found his mother on the back porch. //_Hi, Mom.//_

She stood and hugged her son then//_Gil, sweetie. I missed you_.//

//_I missed you, too. Happy Birthday_.//

As she watched the interaction between mother and son, Sara realized that this was the most affectionate she'd ever seen him with another human being. It touched her to know that a family could really be a good thing.

When the conversation turned to her, though, her nerves set in. //_So, this must be Sara_.//

Sara reached out to shake hands but was shocked when his mother ignored it to step into a hug. Once she backed up, "Hello, Mrs. Grissom. It's very nice to meet you. Your son has wonderful things to say about you."

//_Please, call me Anna. So, you must be very special. I've never been privileged enough to meet a girlfriend before_.//

//_Mother!_//

//_Hush, Gil. You know it's true_.// Then back to Sara//_In fact, Sara, you're the only woman he's ever mentioned at all besides that girl in college. I don't think I even knew her name, though_.//

She was speechless, and was glad when Grissom carried on the conversation//_Okay, I think we've had enough of embarrassing both Sara and me. How about we move on to another conversation?_//

//_Why should you be embarrassed? If I'd said you had a new girlfriend every week, then you should be embarrassed. There's nothing wrong with searching until you find the perfect match. I'd be honored if after fifty years I were only the second serious woman in a man's life.//_

//_Enough, Mother. Besides, she's not the second she's the first. She's the same girl as the one from college_.//

"What?"

//_What?_//

"You told your mother about me in college?"

//_Of course I did_.//

After a short silence, with a huge smile//_So, would you kids like to unpack before dinner?_//

Once upstairs, they were given the choice of separate rooms, which Grissom quickly declined. With a pleased look on her face, Anna showed them into the guest room and left them to get ready for dinner. "Wow. She must really like you."

"I can't believe you talked about me in college."

Ignoring her, "Because I usually sleep in my old bedroom. I've never slept in this room."

"And I can't believe we're going to sleep in the same room in your mother's house!"

"We even have our own bathroom."

"Are you even listening to me?"

He walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her tiny waist, "Trying not to."

"Well you'd better, Mister!"

"Okay. One, I'm a grown man and I am _not _going to sleep in separate bedrooms just because we're not married. I just want to sleep next to you in blissful dreamland. I've missed you these last couple weeks. And two, yes, I talked to my mother about you in college. I also talked to Jim about you. But no one ever knew your name until recently. Why does that matter?"

"It matters because…well…because it does."

"That's not a reason."

She rested her head on his chest before continuing, "I guess because I didn't realize that I was…special to you back then."

"Well, now you know. You've always been special to me, Sara. I've just been too stupid to make the right decisions."

She buried her face in his neck, "I love you so much."

"I love you, too, Dear. Now, we'd better get ready for dinner. My mother hates to be late. Oh, you're doing a great job with the whole communication thing. I know you were afraid about that."

"It's a lot easier than I expected."

"It might be a little harder in the restaurant because of the noise, but if you don't understand, just look at me and I'll tell you what she said."

"Got it. Now let me go. I don't want to piss Anna off on the first night here." They both chuckled and reluctantly let each other go.

Her nerves were calming as his were rising. So far, things were going as planned. He just had to hope that his dreams would come true and not his nightmares.


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer: Okay, I think I've officially run out of dream and nightmare quotes, since I have stretched this story into a novel, so let me just say that nothing you read from now until the words 'The End' belongs to me, even thought I dream about it every day and night.

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20

Thankfully, they were seated at a corner table in the somewhat crowded and noisy restaurant. He had no need to look at the menu, as he ate at his mother's favorite restaurant every year for her birthday, so instead he stared at the two women who were lost in conversation. They hadn't stopped talking since they'd left the house, when both insisted upon giving the other the front seat then both ended up in the back seat. It had worked out perfectly, since it made it easier to carry on conversation.

He hadn't gotten a word in edgewise, which pleased him more than anyone would ever know. This whole trip had worried him as much as it had Sara. It was very important to him that she and his mother got along. They were the two most important people in his life and he was planning on spending his future with both of them.

After he ordered dinner for all three of them, the women lost themselves in their conversation once more, which was mostly about how Sara and Grissom's relationship developed, minus a few intimate details, and sometimes wandered to bits of his childhood. Neither woman seemed to even notice when he left the table and no one acknowledged his reappearance either.

He smiled, even if for only himself, pleased with the knowledge that all of his love sat at this single table. Looking around the room, he wondered if anyone could see what he saw, then realized no one could. His mother, his strength, was always there for him. She was his confidant and his love for her ran deep.

Loosing one's hearing would normally crush a person's existence, especially with a five-year-old son, but not his mother. The loss of her hearing had been hard, no doubt, but she used it as a bonding experience between her and her son. Together, they had gone to sign language classes three times a week and practiced at home every night. Childhood books became almost play like as they each took turns signing pages before bed and the bond between them strengthened to an unbreakable point.

Then they had been faced with the devastating loss of his father when he was nine. But nothing seemed to bring her down. She was a totem pole of strength. After the few tears at the funeral, life went back to normal. She had single-handedly made all of his childhood dreams come true after that. Even now, he looked back at his childhood and realized that he wouldn't trade a second. With no grandparents to speak of and no siblings, his mother was all he had until now.

Now, there was Sara, his one true love. The one woman he could always count on to be by his side. The unconditional love she held for him surpassed his every dream. He'd gone his whole life expecting to be alone, knowing that no one could ever understand him. But Sara had woken him from his nightmares and taken him deep into a dreamland that he never knew existed. The land of love was surely where he lived now, and would forever with her by his side.

With that thought lingering on his mind, he realized the table had become deathly silent as dessert was set in front of them. His smile grew as he watched Sara's eyes widen and her hands move to her face in shock. Set in front of her was not dessert, but a plate with a tiny black velvet box opened to reveal a sparkling five-stone engagement ring and a small note which read 'In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities. Janos Arnay.'

After a moment to let everything sink in, he looked to his mother, who had tears in her eyes, got down on one knee and began to sign as he spoke//_Sara, I have spent years dreaming of love, never realizing that it was right in front of me, thinking that it was impossible to find my perfect mate. With you, I realize that nothing is impossible. I would like nothing more than to spend my whole life watching my dreams unfold and making each one of yours come true. You are my one true love. Sara Sidle, my love, my dream, will you marry me?//_

With tears rolling down her cheeks, she flung herself into his arms, nearly knocking them both over. Several seconds passed before he stood and helped her to her feet, "Is that a yes?"

With her typical Sara joking, "Well…"

"Oh, shut up and kiss me!"

"Yes, Sir!"

Clapping erupted from the restaurant and both of them backed away with red cheeks, "I think we caused a scene."

"Yes, I think so."

They were interrupted again by his mother//_Well, are you gonna try the ring on or what?//_

They all laughed as he slipped the ring onto her finger with an almost perfect fit. Hugs and congratulations followed and after he paid the bill he lost his two favorite girls to their conversation in the back seat of the car.

When they finally crawled into bed, he gathered her into his arms, "Do you still want to sleep in another room?"

"Never."

"Ever?"

"Never ever."

"My place or yours?"

"Yours."

"You sure?"

"Yep."

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you, too. Good night."

After a kiss, "Good night, my love"

With those few words, their future together started to unfold. Another step that he thought would be difficult turned out to be as simple as choosing which shirt to wear in the morning. Was love really this easy?


	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimer: See Chapter 20.

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21

The next morning he was startled awake by Sara's quick movement out of bed. It took him a moment to register the sound of her throwing up in the bathroom. He was quickly by her side and pulled her hair back as she rinsed her mouth out at the sink. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah. I don't know what came over me! It must have been something I ate last night, I guess. I didn't eat anything weird, though."

"Maybe it's just anxiety."

"Maybe."

"You want me to get you some toast or something?"

"No, I'm okay, really. I would like some coffee, though."

"Okay, come on. If I know my mother, which I do, she's probably got the coffee made and a big enough breakfast in progress to feed an army."

She looked down at her cotton shorts and tank top, "Do I need to change first?"

"No, I'm not. And don't worry, if you don't want to eat, don't. You don't need to make yourself sick."

"Oh, I'm eating! I'm starving."

He was still chuckling as they entered the kitchen, drawn to the aroma of freshly brewed coffee. As he suspected, his mother was knee deep in pancake and waffle batter, had French toast and hash browns in the oven and omelets in a skillet. After pouring two cups of coffee and handing Sara hers, he offered his help.

Sara offered also, "I can help, too."

As if it was her routine, Anna immediately started handing out orders. //_Gil, you can finish up these pancakes and don't let the omelets burn. Sara, you can man the waffle maker and take the two pans out of the oven when the timer goes off. I'll finish with the table.//_

Silently, they both did what they were told and when they sat down to a beautifully set table, saw there was also a fruit salad, a selection of juices and milk and any pancake or waffle topping a person could ask for.

_//Breakfast is my mother's favorite meal.//_

"I can see that."

_//I usually make sausage, bacon and Canadian ham, but Gil told me that you're a vegetarian, so I skipped that part this time.//_

Smiling, "Thank you for the gesture, but you could have made it. I'm not opposed to watching other people eat meat. I actually used to eat it myself."

_//Yes, I know. Before the whole pig experiment.//_

When Sara turned to Grissom, he explained//_After I realized how much I hurt your feelings the day I asked you to clean up my hamburger experiment and then handed in your LOA form, I wrote to my mother. I believe she told me I was a fool, and she was right. She also never forgets anything.//_

"So that's where you get it!"

They all laughed and seemed to never stop for the rest of the weekend until their tearful good-byes. He was deeply touched to see that even Sara was sad to go. They were both silent on the way to the airport and he caught her staring at her ring more than once.

After they were seated on the plane, he took her hand in his, "Thank you for this weekend."

"No, thank you."

"What were you thinking about in the car on the way here?"

"I was thinking about how much fun I had this weekend and how much I adored your mother."

"And?"

"And I was thinking that I hate to see it end."

"And?"

"Grissom, just tell me what you want to know."

"What were you thinking about when you were staring at your ring?"

"I was thinking about having to take it off tonight before work."

"Does that bother you?"

"Yes."

"Then leave it on."

"I can't. You know that. People will ask questions."

"So?"

"So? We have no idea what the ramifications could be for us being together."

"Sara, no one has to know anything you don't want them to know. If you want to keep the ring on, then keep it on. When people ask, and I know they will, tell them you're happy and in love with a man who thinks you are his perfect gift in life. If they are your friends, they will be happy for you, just knowing that. I'm not asking you to lie."

"I'll think about it."

"Good."

Once they landed they decided he would drop her off at her place and she would bring a packed bag to work with her and go home with him later. With a couple hours to kill before work, he decided to make a couple stops before going home.


	22. Chapter 22

Disclaimer: See Chapter 20.

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22

When she got to her locker that night to hang up her purse, she found a tiny box on the top shelf. After looking around to make sure no one was watching, she took it out and opened it. Inside she found a note that read:

"'There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved.' George Sand. Just in case you decided not to wear the ring, I thought you might like this addition to your anklet. Even if you did, keep this as token of my infinite happiness and excitement of becoming your husband."

Under the note was a small charm in the shape of an engagement ring. With a smile, she added it to her collection then headed for the break room to wait for her assignment.

When he walked in, his eyes immediately met hers and she mouthed the words 'thank you.' Glad to see that she was happy, but annoyed because her hands were folded under the table, he greeted his team, "All right, I hope everybody is ready to work tonight, because it's gonna be a long night."

Nick responded first, "So what's new?"

Warrick agreed, "Yeah."

Then Catherine started with her curiosity, "Since we're gonna be busy later, how was your trip Gil?"

"It was great. My mother is well."

"Sara, you had the weekend off, too didn't you?"

"Yeah, Cath, I did."

"What did you do?"

Grissom was floored with her response, "I got engaged."

Catherine spit out some of the coffee she was drinking, "What?"

Sara pulled her hand from underneath the table to reveal her ring, "I got engaged."

Taking her hand, "Christ! What is this, three karats? Who the hell is this guy? Rolling in money, obviously."

"I have no idea how many karats it is. All I know is that it's the most beautiful ring I've ever seen and it's mine. Money doesn't matter; we love each other."

It was Warrick who questioned now, "I didn't even know you were dating anyone this serious. Anyone we know?"

She didn't want to lie, "I'd say pretty much everybody knows him."

Nick pushed on, "So, who is it?"

"Look, I'm still letting this whole thing sink in myself, so let me just say that he is a man who thinks that I am his perfect gift in life. He loves me and I love him more than life itself."

Warrick eased her tension, "Well, that's good enough for me. Congrats, Girl."

"Yeah, me too, Sara."

Only Catherine egged on, "Well, it's not good enough for me! I want to know who this guy is and if he has a brother!"

Grissom thankfully interrupted, "Well, after that shocking bit of information, I think we should all get to work. We're all working together on a double homicide in Laughlin. We leave in fifteen minutes. Congratulations, Sara. I hope you have found eternal happiness." And he meant it.

Catherine had almost forced Sara into the Denali to ride with her and pushed the guys towards the other and he wondered how much badgering she'd gotten while on the way to the crime scene. They were there for most of the night, and all stayed quite busy. He hadn't had a moment alone with Sara the whole night, but figured the car ride must not have been so bad since she seemed to be in a good mood.

After returning to the lab, with the same riding arrangements, processing the evidence took them well into their second shift. It wasn't until his eyes started burning that he realized he was in desperate need of sleep. With that thought, he went on the hunt for Sara, who he knew he would have to force to leave. When he walked into the break room, he found everyone but her.

"Hey, why don't you guys all head home? We'll hit all this with fresh eyes tomorrow." After a quick agreement form everyone, "Anyone seen Sara?"

It was Catherine who answered, "Yeah, she went running out of here a minute ago with her hand over her mouth when Nicky took his burrito out of the microwave. She looked really green."

He rushed to the women's bathroom with the intention of just walking in, but was met by Sara coming out. "Hey, Cath just told me you ran out the break room and looked sick. Did you throw up again?"

"Yeah. The smell of Nick's burrito sent me over the edge! I must be coming down with something."

"Maybe I should take you to the doctor's later today."

"I'll be fine."

'Here we go with the fine thing again,' he thought. "We'll see. I sent everyone home. I've got to stop by the grocery store on the way home. Do you want me to pick anything up for you?"

"Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream. It's a must in my household."

Chuckling, "Okay. We can go grocery shopping together some other time. Why don't you go home and rest? Unpack if you want. I left empty drawers open in my dresser and made space in the closet. I'll be there in a little bit. I left a key for you in the outside pocket of your purse in your locker."

"Okay. See you in a bit."


	23. Chapter 23

Disclaimer: See chapter 20.

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23

When she stepped up to the door of his townhouse, she just stared at it for a few moments. 'Was this really happening?' She'd dreamt about this day for years, and now it was finally here. She could walk into Grissom's townhouse and call it her home. With a shaky hand she unlocked the door with the key that she'd already added to her key chain. She walked in and felt butterflies swarm in her stomach. Darkness filled the room but she was saved from having to grope for light switches by the faint glow of a lamp that was lit on a table near the door. Underneath the light were a note and another small box that matched the one she'd found in her locker at the beginning of shift. After closing the door and flipping on some more lights, she set down her bags and picked up the note. 'Welcome home.' Inside the box were another small note and a charm in the shape of a key. The note read, 'This key not only represents the key to your new home, but also to my heart.'

Her nerves almost immediately calmed. This was their home. With a smile on her face, she grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, which was almost as empty as the one at her apartment, and headed upstairs to unpack.

After his short trip to the grocery store he got home to find the empty box on the table and both notes missing. He had the urge to yell, 'Honey, I'm home,' but resisted in case she had already gone to sleep. He'd dreamt many times about coming home to her and his dream was finally coming true. Somewhere in their home the woman he was going to marry was waiting for him. With that in mind he quickly put the few groceries away and headed upstairs with a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream.

Halfway up he heard the sound of the shower coming from the bathroom. Walking into the bedroom, he found her unpacked bags on the closet floor and the empty space he'd made scattered with various outfits. Part of him wanted to go through the drawers he'd known he left for her, but he wanted to give her a piece of privacy. Instead, he set the bowl of ice cream on one of the nightstands and pulled a pair of cotton shorts from his dresser.

He quickly finished changing when he heard the water shut off. A few minutes later the door cracked open and a flood of steam floated into the bedroom. Along with that came the intoxicating scent of her shampoo, which he would eternally associate with her. It was amazing how the simple act of not wearing perfume made the fragrance of one's shampoo so aromatic.

He was turning down the bed when he heard her voice behind him, "Hi."

Slowly, as if to savor the moment, he turned, "Hello. Feeling better?" He couldn't help but think how cute she was in her oversized t-shirt and a towel wrapped around her head like a turban.

She walked across the room straight into his waiting arms, "I do now."

"I brought up a bowl of ice cream for you."

"Mmm. Thanks."

"You eat. I'll be right back."

He walked toward the still steamy bathroom, only to be stopped by the sound of her voice, "Which side do you want?"

With a confused look, he turned, "Side?"

"Of the bed. Which side do you want?"

Shaking his head, "Uh, I've…never shared a bed with anyone. So, I guess the choice is yours. But I do like to sleep on my right side if that helps."

When he emerged from the bathroom, which now had a definite feminine touch, he found her curled up on the right side of the bed finishing her bowl of ice cream. "I'll take this side, so when you sleep in your right side you're facing me. That okay?"

"Sounds good to me." He crawled into bed beside her, "Do you want to watch television?"

"I'm kinda tired. I think I'll just go to sleep. But it won't bother me if you do."

"No, sleep sounds good." After the lights were out, with Sara snuggled up to his side, "Sweet dreams, Hun."

"Night, Gris."

His phone rang a few hours later, and when he saw Jim's name on the caller ID, he very reluctantly answered, "Grissom."

"Hey, Gil, Jim. Any way you could come in a couple hours early?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"Well…"

"I'll be there in a half hour."

After giving him the information, "You want me to call in some help?"

He glanced at Sara, still curled up to his side, "No, I'll take care of it." With a click of the phone, he sighed.

"I need a shower first. And coffee…definitely coffee."

He chuckled, "I didn't think you were awake."

"I'm not."

Still laughing, "I'll go in now, then you can meet me when you're ready, okay? I'll leave the info on the counter by the coffee pot."

With her eyes still closed, "Kay. Love you. Drive safe."

"I love you too, Hun."

Within seconds of leaving her side, a chill ran down his spine. When he left her, he left part of himself now. She was a part of him and he a part of her. They were two halves that made a whole. After quickly getting ready and pouring a cup of coffee to go, he walked out the front door, with another wave of emptiness. It was funny how quickly his townhouse had gone from the place he lived, to his home. Home was definitely where the heart was, and his heart was with Sara. With a bounce in his step, he headed for the crime scene to busy himself while he waited for his love.


	24. Chapter 24

Disclaimer: See chapter 20.

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24

As she stared into the toilet after another wave of nausea for the third time in four days, she knew it was time to take the next step. The first time, she'd honestly thought it was something she ate. The second, she told her self she might be coming down with something, but knew that really wasn't true. Now, with the third time, the only question she had was, 'Isn't morning sickness supposed to only happen in the morning?'

After a very quick shower and a cup of coffee in a to go mug Grissom had left on the counter with the directions, she headed for the nearest drug store. The quick trip back home seemed to take twice as long as it should have and now, standing in the bathroom, she was staring at the plastic test that would confirm her suspicions. When the plus sign appeared in the result window, she didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

She was going to be a mother? Was this really happening? Her biggest question, though, was how would Grissom react? She replaced the plastic cap on the test and went into the kitchen to slip it into a Ziploc bag.

She drove to the crime scene at a faster speed than she should have, but she justified it by thinking that Grissom would be wondering where she was. When she arrived, he was luckily nowhere in sight and it was easy to slip the test into the cup holder in his center console. Hoping he wouldn't need anything from the car until after the scene was processed, she grabbed her kit and went inside.

The officer at the front door directed her upstairs where she found Grissom kneeling near a blood pool in the master bedroom. He looked up when she walked in and pointed toward the master bath. With a confused look, she walked in the direction he'd pointed and almost bumped into Doc Robbins as he came out. She looked back at Grissom, who she realized now was not telling her to go into the bathroom, but to not say anything because they weren't alone.

"Sara, when'd you get here?"

"Just now Doc. We all clear in there?"

"Yep. Just finished. T.O.D.'s the same for both vics; about three hours ago. Female's throat was slit in the bathroom and looks like she was beaten post mortem. Boyfriend was stabbed several times; once in the back and more times than I could count to the abdomen and groin area. Looks to be the same weapon. Don't know why you guys are here, though. Didn't I hear Jim say that the husband confessed?"

"Like I said, I just got here. You know more than I do."

"Okay, well, I've never doubted Gil before, so I'm not gonna start now. See you two back at the morgue."

"See ya, Doc." After his departure, "Gris?"

"Husband caught the wife in bed with her boyfriend. Said he walked right through the bedroom and into the bathroom and neither one of them noticed him. She walked into the bathroom like she did every time after sex. He hid in the shower and slit her throat when she turned to get the towel out of the closet. After that, he came in here and killed the boyfriend. Then he went back and beat his wife. He said he wanted to make sure she didn't look good for the funeral. I took blood and skin samples from his hands and bagged his clothes and the murder weapon. Jim already took him in."

He'd gone on and on, never took a breath and his voice never faltered off the monotone he'd started on. "Gris? What's wrong?"

"What took you so long?"

She new he'd realize she'd taken longer than needed. She didn't want to start lying now, "I was sick again."

For the first time, he looked up from his work, "What? Sara, you need to go to the doctor's."

"I know. I will."

He stood and walked toward her, "I was worried. I wanted to call you, but everyone was around. I…I can't do this."

She took a deep breath. This was it. This was his breaking point. It was over. "Okay. After I leave here I'll go by your place and move my things back out. I'll leave your key on the table."

Confusion filled his face, "What are you talking about?"

With wide eyes, "What are _you_ talking about?"

"Sara, I'm saying that I'm done hiding. You're going to be my wife. I was really worried about you this morning. I thought you'd been hurt. I didn't call you because I was afraid someone would hear. I won't do that anymore. I love you."

A tear rolled down her cheek, "I love you, too. I thought you meant…"

"I know what you thought. Don't ever worry about that. Ever!"

"Okay."

He kissed her forehead and lifted her chin with his finger, "Why don't you take this stuff back to the lab and I'll finish getting the rest of these samples. I'll be there about half hour after you. We'll talk about this at home tonight after we get back from the doctor's, okay?"

"Tonight? Doctor's? We have to work."

"You're more important to me than work. We're leaving after we log in this evidence. It's an open and shut case anyway. I'll see you in a little while. Go."

"I'll make the appointment on the way back to the lab. I love you…for loving me."

"Good. Then you'll always have a reason to love me."

She left him, then, with a smile on her face. The words she never thought she'd hear just came from his mouth. He'd actually said that she was more important than his work. To any other woman, from any other man, that comment might have been run-of-the-mill. But for her, for them, it was huge.

After putting the evidence in her Denali, she snuck back into Grissom's Tahoe and took the test back out. She wanted to see the look on his face when he found out he was going to be a father. She figured the OB/GYN appointment later would be as good a time as any.


	25. Chapter 25

Disclaimer: See chapter 20.

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25

An hour later, Sara caught Grissom in his office just as he arrived. She entered, closing the door behind her, "We have a problem."

With raised eyebrows he replied, "We do?"

"Yeah. Our clocks are off."

"They are?"

"Yeah. This may be Vegas, but my doctor's office is definitely not open right now!"

He looked at his watch, "Wow. My clock really is off. Okay, so ER?"

"No. I hate the Emergency Room. Besides, I'll be fine until tomorrow. I'll call right after shift and get an early appointment."

"We can still go home now. I don't want you getting any worse."

"Trust me. I'm fine. Let's just work, okay?"

"If you're sure. We'll get this evidence processed and clean up some of our open cases. No second shift!"

With a shrug of her shoulders, "You're the boss."

Well, he hadn't thought that was going to be that easy, "Good. So, let's go hand out assignments." He looked around, as if they were in the hallway, not his closed office to see if anyone was watching, then kissed her firmly on the lips. "I love you. We'll talk about the rest of this later."

"I love you, too."

She followed him into the break room and sat as Catherine asked, "Hey, Sara. Feeling better?"

Playing dumb, "What?"

"Don't even try it! You ran outta here yesterday…or earlier today…whatever! You were headed straight for the bathroom! Are you sick?"

"Oh, that. Yeah, I'm fine. I'm going to the doctor's in the morning. I must have a stomach thing." Well, that was sort of true.

Warrick joked, "Hey, Gris, don't put her with me tonight, okay? I don't want her breathing all her germs all over me!"

"Well, you're on your own tonight, Warrick. Sam Braun is waiting for you at the Rampart. He says one of his quote, girls, unquote was assaulted last night and now she's missing. Says he got a ransom note about an hour ago."

"Solo? On a Braun case?"

Catherine spoke up, "Wait, Gil. This needs more attention than this. I should go with him."

"No, Catherine. You can't be involved. Besides, the girl's already been found. Nick, you get the body. She was killed in a hotel room last night. Sam doesn't know, yet."

"Catherine, you got a rape victim. She's already been transported to Desert Palm. They're sending the kit over. She's been sedated, so why don't you process the scene first, then take her statement later."

"Gil…"

"I don't want to hear it, Catherine. You're not touching this case." She stood and snatched her assignment slip from his hand before storming out of the room. "All right, guys, head out."

On his way out, Nick asked, "What are you two doing?"

"Sara and I came in early and processed a scene. We have some evidence to work. Why? Can't handle this alone?"

"Hey! It's all good!" With that, he walked out, leaving Grissom chuckling.

With a furrowed brow, Warrick asked, "Gris, you sure about this? Maybe I should take the DB."

"Why? Because you think Nick is better with people or because this case is in a casino?"

"Well…"

"Warrick, I trust you. If I didn't, you wouldn't be here."

"Thanks, Gris."

"You're welcome. Speaking of trust, Sara and I are leaving at the end of shift. She has a doctor's appointment and I have some personal business I have to take care of, so I'm _trusting _you to make sure Catherine stays _off_ this case."

"Got it. Hope you're okay, Sara. See you guys later."


	26. Chapter 26

Disclaimer: See chapter 20.

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26

At the end of shift Grissom quickly ushered her out the front door and after they got home, pushed her towards the telephone. When she hung up, she walked into the kitchen towards the smell of perking coffee. "My appointment's at eleven."

"Okay. Want breakfast? I can make pancakes."

"Sounds good. Want some help?"

"No. Why don't you go upstairs and lay down? I'll bring breakfast up and then we catch a couple hours sleep before your appointment."

"Okay. I am a little tired." As she walked upstairs, she wondered if he'd be even more protective of her after he found out she was pregnant. They would definitely have to have ground rules, or he would never let her leave the bedroom. She laughed to herself as she removed her jacket. When she went to hang it in the closet, the plastic baggie with the test inside fell onto the floor. She picked it up and set it inside the drawer of her nightstand before changing into lounging pants and a tank top and crawling into bed. Maybe she'd tell him before the appointment.

She was sound asleep when he kissed her cheek and brushed the hair back from her face. "Breakfast is ready, Sleeping Beauty." She stretched and sat up while he placed the tray over her lap.

They ate in silence until he caught her staring at him, "What?"

"I just love you."

"That's why you're staring at me? Cause you look like you have something on your mind."

"I do. I was thinking about what we were talking about earlier."

"Good, because I was too. What do you think we should do?"

"I don't know."

"Do you think we should just let everyone figure it out? Or should we just sit down and tell everyone? Or do you not want everyone to know yet?"

"I think that everyone will figure it out pretty soon."

"You think we're that obvious?"

"No." With a deep breath, she moved the tray to the end of the bed and reached into her nightstand drawer. She held her breath as she handed him the test. He moved his tray the same as she had and picked up his glasses from his nightstand. When he finally looked down at the test and looked back at her over his frames, "I know why I've been throwing up. It's not the flu. It's morning sickness."

With a shocked look on his face, "You're pregnant?"

"Yes."

"We're having a baby?"

"That's usually what happens next, yeah."

A smile started to form on his face, "That's our baby growing inside you?"

"It's definitely not anyone else's."

"I'm gonna be a father?"

"Are you in shock? Because you're asking a whole lot of questions."

His eyes glazed over and his lips slowly finished forming a huge smile on his stunned face. After tossing the test onto the bed beside them, he took her face in his hands and looked deep into her eyes, "Walter Benjamin said, 'Gifts must affect the receiver to the point of shock.' And these gifts, your love and our child, are the greatest gifts I've ever been given." With intensity he didn't know he possessed, his lips caught hers and his tongue hunted the warmth of her mouth. Together, they drifted into a world where only they existed, the two of them and their unborn child.

When he pulled back and looked deep into her eyes yet again, she confessed, "I love you so much. I was so worried that you might be upset about this."

"Upset? Why would you think that?"

"This is all happening so quickly. It's only been a few weeks and I thought that you'd feel like you were…trapped."

"Sara, Sweetheart, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. The fact that we're having a child to share that life with is not a trap, it's just…a bonus."

"I love it when you get the little boy grin on your face."

"Little boy, huh? Well, you make me feel young again."

"And how will the sound of a child calling you Daddy make you feel?"

"Like the luckiest man on earth."

After she got up and moved both of their trays to the dresser, she crawled under the covers. He quickly set his alarm for 9:30 and curled up beside her, comfortable in the knowledge that all his dreams were coming true.

"I love you, Sara."

"I love you, too."


	27. Chapter 27

Disclaimer: See chapter 20.

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27

After the trip to the doctor's office, where they found out Sara was in perfect health, they were back home, seated on the couch drinking coffee. "So, now that every receptionist, doctor and nurse in my OB/GYN office has your name and pager, cell, work and home phone numbers, do you feel better?"

With a chuckle, "Sorry about that. I'm new at this whole, dad thing."

"You don't have to apologize. I actually thought it was kinda cute."

"Good." He took another sip of his coffee, "There is one thing that's bothering me, though."

"You mean besides the fact that you don't think I'll follow all those new rules you made sure Dr. Johnson printed out for you?"

"Yes."

"What?"

"How do feel about getting married?"

"I thought we already did the whole proposal thing and I said yes."

"No, I mean, I'd like to be married before the baby is born. How do you feel about that?"

"Wow, you are _way_ ahead of me!"

"Is that a bad thing?"

"No. I just…didn't realize that would be important to you."

"Well, it is. So?"

"So…if it's important to you, then it's important to me. As long as you're sure."

"Stop."

"Stop what?"

"Stop doubting that I'm ready for this. Sara, I love you and there is _nothing_ about this that I'm not ready for. I've made a lot of mistakes when it comes to us and nightmares have haunted me for years. You told me yourself that I had to forgive myself before I could make this work, and you were right. Forgiving myself for all the hurt I've caused you is one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I know now that without you, I'm nothing and with you, I'm everything. I know these past few weeks have moved fast, for both of us, but I don't regret any of it. I've wasted years of my life that I could have been sharing with you, and I won't waste any more. What do I have to do to prove to you that I'm okay?"

In a whisper, "You don't have to prove anything, Grissom. I…I guess I'm just scared. I've never loved anyone besides you and it's taken us so long to get to this point. I just don't wan to do anything that might cause you to pull away."

"Sara, I'm not going anywhere. If you want, we'll leave right now and go get married."

He smiled when she started laughing, "No. I'd like to wait. Not long, but long enough to invite our friends and make a few plans."

"How about two weeks? Is that long enough?"

"Well, we have to figure out where to have the ceremony, which shouldn't be hard in Vegas and we'll have to buy rings and I need a dress. Do you have a tux?"

"Two, actually. You can choose. So two weeks is all right?"

"I'd like to ask a friend of mine to stand with me, is that all right?"

"Of course. I'd like Jim to stand with me."

"Okay. I'll need your help, though."

"How's that?"

"I'd like to ask Anna."

Tears filled his eyes, "You want my mother to stand with you?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Let's call her."

"How can we call her?"

"She has a TTY device, so we can call and an operator will type to her and then tell you what she types back."

"Okay." They agreed she wouldn't mention being pregnant and after dialing the number, he handed her the phone. When Anna answered the phone, "Anna, this is Sara."

"How are you, Dear?"

"I'm good, you?"

"Just fine."

"Um, I have something I'd like to ask you."

"Go ahead. You can ask me anything."

"Okay. Grissom and I have decided to have our wedding in a couple weeks and I'd like to know if you'll stand with me, like as my Matron of Honor."

"I knew my son chose a special lady the first second that I set my eyes on you. I'd be honored, Sara. But I have a favor to ask."

"Sure."

It took a few minutes for her response to come back, "Would it be okay with the two of you if I came out in a couple days? I know that you'll both be busy, but I have a couple things I'd like to give you before you get married. I've been waiting a long time to pass some very important things on to Gil and his bride."

"Anna, you coming out here to see us is not a favor. You can come any time you'd like."

"Thank you. That's very sweet of you. But my favor is that I'd like you to wait to buy anything for the wedding until I get there. That's why I'd like to come early, so that you'll have time to shop after I give you what I have."

"Okay. I think that's the least we can do. After we book your flight, we'll call you with the itinerary."

"Tell Gil I love him. And I'm very happy for both of you."


	28. Chapter 28

Disclaimer: See chapter 20.

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28

A couple days later, Sara took the first step in their plan. Everyone gathered in the break room, waiting for Grissom to hand out assignments, but Sara interrupted before he could start, "Hey, guys, before we get our assignments, I, uh, have something to give everyone." She passed a wedding invitation out to everyone, including Grissom and waited for a response.

It was Nick who spoke up first, "You're getting married in less than two weeks?"

Catherine asked another question before Sara could answer, "I have a better question. Why is there no groom's name on this invitation?"

Suppressing her desire to laugh, "Yes, I am getting married in less than two weeks. And there's no name because I'd like it to be a surprise. I'd like everyone to be able to come, that's why I chose to have the wedding at noon. No one needs to buy gifts or RSVP and everyone is welcome to bring a date. Any other questions?"

After a moment of silence and stunned looks, Grissom handed out assignments as if nothing out of the ordinary had just happened.

The next afternoon, after Anna arrived and unpacked her suitcases, she asked Sara to join her in the guest room. When she walked in, she found a wedding dress lying on the bed. _//You don't have to wear it, if you don't like it, or if it doesn't fit. But you look about the same size as I was when I got married.//_

"Anna, it's gorgeous. But I can't accept this."

_//Why not? Gil is my only child. I've saved my wedding dress for years, hoping he'd marry a woman I'd want to give it to. You're the best thing that's ever happened to him, Sara. I want you to have it. Try it on. I'll be right back. I have something I need to give Gil.//_

"Okay." After a quick hug, Anna walked out of the room, closing the door behind her.

Anna found Gil lounging on the couch, _//Gil, I have something for you.//_

_//Okay.// _She handed him a small red velvet box. He opened it to find a man's wedding band that he recognized as his father's. _//I didn't know you still had this.//_

_//I've been saving it for you. I thought you might want it.//_

_//Thanks, Mom, this means a lot to me.//_

_//Does this mean you'll use this as your wedding band?//_

_//Yes, as long as it's okay with Sara.//_

_//Then you'll be needing this.// _She slowly removed the tiny band from her left ring finger and kissed it before handing it to him. _//I've waited for years to watch you put this ring on a woman's finger and now that time is here. She's perfect, Gil, and you two will make wonderful parents.//_

With a shocked look, _//She told you?//_

_//That she's pregnant? No, I just assumed there was a good reason why you were rushing the wedding. And I also know my son. You would not bring a child into this world without being married first.//_

He smiled, loving the relationship he had with his mother, _//Does she know you figured it out?//_

_//No, but I'll go tell her now. She should have the dress on by now.//_

_//Dress?//_

_//Yes. I gave her my wedding dress.//_

_//Have I told you how much I love you?//_

_//Yes, but I don't mind hearing it again.//_

_//I love you, Mom. And you'll never know how important it is to me that you and Sara get along so well.//_

_//I know, Son. I love you, too.//_

When Anna knocked on the guest room door, Sara told her to come in, never taking her eyes from the mirror. In the reflection, she saw Anna take a deep breath and raise her hands to her face. "I love it, Anna."

As tears formed in her eyes, _//You're beautiful. Will you wear it?//_

"Of course."

_//Not only do you make a beautiful bride, but you'll also make a gorgeous mother. And, no, before you ask, he didn't tell me. I guessed.//_

"That doesn't surprise me. You're very perceptive, and you know your son very well."

_//I know that he loves you, and that you're going to have a wonderful life together. I'm very proud to call you my daughter.//_


	29. Chapter 29

Disclaimer: See chapter 20.

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29

When they crawled into bed that night, both thankful for a night off together, she snuggled up to his side. With her head rested on his chest, he told her about the rings his mother had given to him earlier, "We don't have to use them if you don't want to. I'll understand if you want to pick out our own rings."

"No, I think it's great that you have these things. You don't know how good it is for me to see the relationship you have with your mother. It gives me this new hope that family really can be a good thing."

"Family is good, Sara. I know that this whole thing scares you and I think I know how afraid you are of becoming a mother. But I also know that you have nothing to be afraid of. I'm going to spend the rest of my life showing just how good being a family can be and what a great mother you're going to become."

"I love you, Grissom."

"I love you, too, Hun." He squeezed her a little tighter and reached over to switch his bedside lamp off. "Sara?"

"Yeah?"

"Why do you always call me Grissom instead of Gil?"

He felt her smile against his chest, "Two reasons actually. The very first lecture of yours that I attended, you introduced yourself as Dr. Gil Grissom to the class. Throughout the whole class, everyone called you Dr. Grissom. So, when I went up to you after the lecture ended I said, 'Excuse me, Dr. Grissom, I'm Sara Sidle and I have a few questions I'd like to ask.' Then you said, 'Nice to meet you Miss Sidle and please, just Grissom.' So I've always assumed that what you wanted me to call you."

"You really do record everything I say, don't you?" Without waiting for an answer, "What's the second reason?"

"Do you remember that plant you sent me after I asked for a leave of absence?"

"Of course."

"Well, the card read, 'From, Grissom.' I know it's silly, but for me it's like a term of endearment. I know other people use it, too, but…" He felt her shrug her shoulders, "So can I ask a question, now?"

"You don't have to ask my permission to ask a question."

"I know how strongly you felt about being married before the baby is born and how adamant you are about me following all the new rules from my doctor, so I just wondered if you had equally strong feelings about after the baby is born."

"I'm not sure I understand what you're asking."

She turned slightly, laying her chin on her hands that she folded across his chest, "I mean, you're already asking me every morning if I took my vitamin and you even carry one in your kit just in case I say no. And you switched the coffee in the cupboard to decaf and you stocked our fridge and the one in you office with fresh vegetables and bottled water so that I'll eat five small meals a day and drink plenty of fluids."

"I'm just trying to make sure you're healthy."

"I know. I didn't say it was bad. I like this protective side of you. It makes me feel special."

"You are special."

"Thanks. Soooooo, back to my question. What I'm trying to find out is, if you're already talking about switching me to office work in a few months, then you must have strong feelings about my working after the baby is born."

"I was only talking about switching you to office work after field work became too exhausting for you. You can work as long as you want as long as you and our baby are both healthy."

"You don't have to defend yourself. I know you're only looking out for us."

"Good. So how about telling me how you feel about working after the baby is born instead of just asking me?"

"Okay. I think that either one of us should stop working completely, or we need to go on opposite shifts. I don't believe in letting a stranger raise our child and neither one of us have any family that could help us."

"I agree."

"You do?"

"Yes. I don't think we should work opposite shifts because we'd never see each other, but I do agree that one of us should stay home. And I have no problem if we decide that that person should be me."

"You don't?"

"No. I think we should do what's right for us. I'm not some macho guy who can't handle his wife being the breadwinner. But we have a while to think about that. You must be tired, now. Let's get some sleep."

"I love you, Grissom."

"I love you, too, Hun."


	30. Chapter 30

Disclaimer: See chapter 20.

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30

A little less than two weeks later, the graveyard shift gang gathered around a gazebo, waiting for the ceremony to begin. Nick and Greg were introducing their dates to each other while Warrick and Catherine, who had come together, talked to Jim and his wife. "So Jim, you trying to make the rest of us look bad?"

"What're talking about, Warrick?"

"Showin' up in a tux while the rest of wear suits. Pretty sneaky."

"Well, I figured, what the heck. How often do I have a reason to dress up? Besides, with this pretty lady on your arm, why should you be worried? Nobody's looking at you anyway."

"Yeah, ain't that a fact?"

Doc Robbins, his wife, David and his girlfriend joined them. After introductions, Al asked, "Where's Gil? Don't tell me he's not coming."

Catherine answered, "I haven't seen him. He told me he'd be here, though. He's probably just running late."

Greg and his girlfriend, Jane, walked over to join the group, followed by Nick and Dianna. It was Greg who asked the question that was on everyone's minds, "So, anybody got any idea who the groom is?"

Before anyone could answer, Grissom stepped up, "Can I interrupt?"

The circle of people spread as they let him step in and Warrick jabbed, "You too?"

"Me too, what?"

"You and Jim both wearing a tux, trying to make the rest of us look bad. I already gave Jim a hard time."

Before he had time to respond Nick asked, "And why am I not surprised that you didn't bring a date?"

"Uh, I think we should all sit. It's time to start." Everyone followed suit as Grissom took his seat in the front row with Jim and his wife beside him. When the Justice of the Peace stepped up and the music started to play, Grissom rose and walked to front, followed by Jim.

He turned to watch his mother walk down the isle and glanced out at his friends to see dropped jaws and a couple chuckles. But when Sara started walking towards him, all of his focus was on her. The absolute love of his life was walking towards him, and would become his wife in a matter of minutes. All of his dreams were coming true and his life was finally filled with all the love he could have hoped for.

All of his fears and reservations were gone. Her love had knocked down all the walls he'd built around his heart and together they'd found the man inside him that he'd always wanted to be. It was only with her that that man existed and he planned on being that man for the rest of his life.

After they were pronounced husband and wife and he kissed his bride, he whispered, "You ready for the question and answer session, Mrs. Grissom?"

"It'll be worth it."

"I know."

With that, they turned to face the crowd, who were all on their feet. Everyone gathered around for hugs and congratulations, but it was Anna who got their undivided attention, first.

She gathered her two children into her arms as tears fell down her cheeks. When she pulled away, she pulled a folded piece of paper from the bouquet she was holding and handed it to her son. _//This is a gift for both of you. I have made some good investments and bought and sold pieces of art from the gallery I used to work at. It's not enough that you won't ever have to worry about money, but you both are wise and I know with this you can build a comfortable life for you and my grandchild. I don't want to hear any arguments from either of you. I'm seventy years old and I can't take it with me. I love you both very much. Gil, your father would be so proud of you.//_

Sara turned to see tears stream down her husband's face as he unfolded the check. Her hand moved to her mouth in shock when she saw the check was written out to Mr. and Mrs. Gilbert Ian Grissom for two hundred and fifty thousand dollars. They both gathered her into their arms again until she pushed them away, telling them to go see their friends.

They did as they were told, with tears still in their eyes and faced the onslaught of questions and playful jabs from their friends.


	31. Epilogue

Disclaimer: See chapter 20.

------------------------------------------

Epilogue

He whistled as he pulled his Tahoe into the garage beside his wife's minivan, pushing the button to close the door behind him. Carrying the three bags of groceries in one hand he slipped the shiny key into the doorknob of their new townhouse in Summerland. He wanted to go in a direct search for his family, but new Sara's pet peeve about him leaving groceries or empty bags on the counter. So instead, he quickly put the food away and the bags into the recycling bin.

He was careful not to make noise as he walked through the house, as sleep came very infrequently in their house as of late. Walking through the living room, he folded the two baby blankets that were thrown haphazardly on the back of the couch and picked up the half empty bottles and burp cloths that were on the coffee table. After washing the bottles and placing them on the drying rack that sat beside their sink, he started his search again. Before heading upstairs, he took a side trip to the laundry room to drop the burp cloths, where he found the 'baby laundry basket' full. One of the many things he'd learned after becoming a father was that babies had extra sensitive skin and consequently had their wash done separately with a special detergent. After loading their new ultra-quiet, super-capacity washing machine with what must have been every baby item in their household, he headed upstairs and found his wife curled up on their king-sized bed in a peaceful slumber.

With the silence that filled the room, he knew when he walked into the nursery he would find the same tranquil sleep. For a moment, though, he stood and watched Sara as she took even shallow breaths with a slight smile on her angelic face. The pregnancy had been hard for her. She wasn't used to the fatigue or the illness. Morning sickness had attacked her, causing dehydration, and her normal work habits were quickly cut back to eight-hour shifts with one or two catnaps to get her through.

Six months into her pregnancy, the strain got to both of them and after discussing it, she turned in her resignation and he turned in a leave of absence. A little over two months later, on October 28th, she'd gone into labor. Now, eight weeks later, he was completely satisfied with his life. Earlier that evening, before his trip to the grocery store, he'd turned in his resignation also. His time at home with his family was precious and he didn't want to waste one second of it. He knew if he'd gone back to work he would have fallen into the traps of second shifts and bringing work home. Instead, the supervisor position was handed to Catherine and they were going to hire her replacement.

Once he got to the point where he felt comfortable working again, he was going to return to lecturing and helping out on cases where an entomologist's specialty would be needed. Until then, he was going to treasure every priceless moment with the family he'd always dreamed of.

After feathering a soft kiss on his wife's forehead and pulling a blanket over her shoulders, he went into the adjoining nursery. The three cribs, each nestling a tiny bundle of joy, sat side by side and covered one wall. With a smile, he remembered the day they found out Sara was carrying triplets. She had been overcome with worry, wondering how she'd ever take care of three children when she didn't even know if she could take care of one. He'd calmed her, though, telling her that they could do anything as long as they did it together. Now, even with the sleepless nights and tiresome days, neither could see life without each of their precious children.

Upon finding out they were having one boy and two girls, baby naming became their next adventure. The scientific part of both of them made them search the Internet for the meanings of every name they came up with. For their son, they'd chosen William Ian; William because it referred to a firstborn son and Ian like his father. Their two daughters had been much harder, though, as each name they picked had a meaning neither parent liked. Instead, Sara found a site that allowed them to search for names that matched the meanings they wanted. With that trick they'd stumbled across the perfect names. Their eldest daughter, even if only by 19 minutes, was named Abigail Mariposa. Abigail, meaning 'beautiful' and Mariposa, meaning 'butterfly' was named by her mother. He had named their younger daughter, partly after his wife. He'd looked up the meaning to Sara and found that it meant 'princess,' and after looking up other names that had the same meaning, he wanted to pair it with a middle name that meant 'miracle.' He was very proud when he came up with the name, Cassandra Maravilla.

Their friends had argued that kindergarten was going to be hell for all three children, but neither parent budged saying they would simply use nicknames. William, who had his father's chin and nose, but his mother's chocolate eyes, had quickly become Billy. Blessed with her father's baby blues and her mother's nose and high cheekbones, Abigail turned to Abby. Cassandra, who had taken after her father's parents with her grandfather's navy blue eyes and her grandmother's slender face, had switched to Cassy.

As he watched his three precious babies sleep, he felt the presence behind him that was confirmed by the arms snaking around hid waist. In a whisper, "You should have woken me up."

He followed suit in a hushed tone, "You looked so peaceful. Besides, you need sleep whenever you can get it. How did you get them all to sleep at once?"

"I sang to them."

Her beautiful voice was a gift he'd only recently discovered. "Mmm, it usually works for me, too."

"How'd it go?"

"Fine. Catherine was happy about her position and everyone said they expected me to leave anyway." He turned in her arms and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. "I'm going to switch the laundry over to the dryer. Why don't you get back into bed and I'll be up in a minute. We'd better get sleep while we can."

"Okay." A few minutes later, he crawled into bed beside her, "I love you, Grissom."

"I love you, too, Sara."

They drifted to sleep, snuggled in each other's embrace. When a baby cries filled the room, they both woke up. He opened his eyes, expecting it to still be dark, and was surprised when sunlight assaulted his vision. After glancing at the clock, "It's six thirty. Did you put sleeping pills in their bottles last night?"

With a playful punch to the shoulder, "I'm not that desperate for sleep!"

He liked the new side of her that seemed to always be cheerful, no matter what time she had to wake up. Motherhood had definitely put a joyful light in her life. Crawling out of bed after a quick kiss, he threw on a pair of lounging pants and walked toward the nursery. "I'll change diapers if you'll go start coffee and bottles."

"Deal."

A few minutes later, Sara returned and picked up Billy, freshly changed and smelling of baby wipes and powder, a smell she would never get tired of. From her husband, "I'll be down in a minute with the girls."

"Okay."

A half hour later, with fed babies and caffeinated parents, he presented her with a tiny white box. "I know we agreed we wouldn't buy gifts for each other, but I wanted to give you these."

"Grissom!"

"Just open it." She opened the box to find three charms for her anklet, each representing one of their children. "Merry Christmas, Sara."

"Merry Christmas, Grissom."

THE END 

I hope everyone enjoyed it. I know I'm long-winded sometimes and my fics seem to expand to novels, so thanks for taking time to read and review. Sorry for the couple of errors a couple of you caught. I don't have a beta, so I do my own proofreading and I do miss some things. Everyone's reviews were really great! It's nice to know so many people like my writing! Again, thanks for your time; see ya next go round!


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